Schooling Records / Trashy Formulas

I have been concentrating all my energy on bartending school. FYI, I got and 85% on my written exam and a 19 out of 21 out of my pour test. Happy? Yes. It's not much but at least I have something under my belt. Back to the main objective, this blog. I always have a qoute to begin or end these blogs. Some doctrine that I got from philosophers, films, culture. ETC. ETC. ETC. This quote comes from, Dolores Claiborne. A movie that I don't compare myself to. I asked for a copy of this book at my abhorrent halt at middlesex county adult correction center. We will get more into my stay later. Ridiculous as it may sound, someone got me a copy. The cover torned off but still in good condition. I was looking for this specific entity. " Sometimes you have to be a high ridding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a women has to hold onto!" Last time, I checked. I still had a dick. So as I do with most qoutes and comments. I take it. Let it work for me, and leave the rest behind. "Sometimes you have to be a high ridding bitch to surive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a cocksucker has to hold onto!" Thank you, Stephen King. Thank you.



First, of all. I said something about a plan. Which was to get these three people to put there foot in there mouths. Also, knowing that Cliff, John, and my mother. Would not take it to court. They had there chance before. Even with the last blog. They could have sued. It's been over three years now. I'm going to post the transcript from Howell township court. From the first time, I had the mental break at my parents place. I had to take the charges for my responsibility but the factor that gets to me. Is it went to Monmouth County Superior Court, first! Then got knocked down to Howell township court. Which my mother never even showed up for. A waste of tax payers money, in my personal opinion. I had to take a guilty plea for criminal mischief and breach of peace. I heard the excuse before that "someone" felt sorry for me. That's the reason why they didn't press charges. HELLO, CHARGES WERE ALREADY PRESSED. By the state and township.



Anyway, If this was true. Don't you think someone would have been by my bed side at the many hospitals. Make a genuine attempt to be sympathic. Some sort of authentic human compassion. Like I did. I guess, that was too much to ask for. BE THE BIGGER MAN, as most people told me I should be. To be honest, I didn't know what was really going on at the time. I was still naive. It not an excuse, but it is good reasoning. I took the plea and did what I had to do. Before, I go more into this drama. I'm going to imply something else that came to my realization.



SIGNS. I don't mean the movie. In which, most people saw but either didn't do anything about it, or could not do anything about. This blog here. This entry will show at least some of those signs. Not to point out actuations or to say that they are fully to blame. It just to state the obvious. I am to blame for my own naive actions in which I didn't understand or didn't want to understand. This is the groing up process in which was slowed down. Prolonged. Or even stunted. Two articles, and there web links are posted on this blog. To help prove my theroy, which is coming into question. It is, what it is. One student from bartending school used to say as her motto. No one can say, I'm not fucking trying.



Emotional Trauma and Memory Loss

Emotional or psychological trauma can also affect your memory. Memory loss is a natural survival skill and defense mechanism humans develop to protect themselves from psychological damage. Violence, sexual abuse and other emotionally traumatic events can lead to dissociative amnesia, which helps a person cope by allowing them to temporarily forget details of the event. A person will often suppress memories of a traumatic event until they are ready to handle them, which may never occur.

Emotional trauma can also lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, which can manifest itself in different ways including flashbacks of the event and intrusive, unwanted thoughts about the trauma.

To read the whole article, here is the web address.

http://www.casapalmera.com/articles/how-trauma-affects-your-memory/



Effects on Middle and High School Students

These students exposed to a traumatic event feel self-conscious about their emotional responses to the event. They often experience feelings of shame and guilt about the traumatic event and may express fantasies about revenge and retribution. A traumatic event for adolescents may foster a radical shift in the way these students think about the world. Some of these adolescents may begin to engage in self-destructive or accident-prone behaviors, and reckless behaviors. There may be a shift in their interpersonal relationships with family members, teachers, and classmates. These students may show a change in their school performance, attendance, and behavior.



Variations among Students

In spite of our ability to predict general responses to trauma depending on age and developmental level, there is still tremendous variability among students regarding post-traumatic symptoms and the extent to which learning and school behavior may be disrupted. The variety of individual responses to trauma is related to many factors, including a student?s prior history of trauma or loss, prior or current mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or behavior problems, and individual differences in temperament.



Effects of Trauma on the Ability to Learn

A traumatic event can seriously interrupt the school routine and the processes of teaching and learning. There are usually high levels of emotional upset, potential for disruptive behavior, or loss of student attendance unless efforts are made to reach out to students and staff with additional information and services. Students traumatized by exposure to violence have been shown to have lower grade point averages, more negative remarks in their cumulative records, and more reported absences from school than other students. They may have increased difficulties concentrating and learning at school and may engage in unusually reckless or aggressive behavior. Click here for a vignette on the way a single event affected three students differently.

The involvement of the school is critical in supporting students through the emotional and physical challenges they may face following an exposure to a traumatic event. Click here for information on Readiness, Response, and Recovery.

To read the whole artricle, go to this web address.

http://www.nctsnet.org/resources/audiences/school-personnel/effects-of-trauma




For school records, I will be posting my education. Elementary, Middle, and High school records. Even my trade school records. Not to show what a great student I was. To indicate, the drop. From those great A's, B's, and C's to D's and F's. A parents worst nightmare to some. Here some insight that few did know and most did not.



Rose A Galvin school, I would find myself sitting on the blacktop. In the conner. The colossal metal chain link fence looming over me. Gazing out into the hectic noise filled street, during recess. Just wondering and watching. A social behavior that is common for troubled youths, such like myself. I did have my few childhood friends, here and there. I was a odd ball kid. I get into a fights. I ran away a couple times. I even set fire to a waste paper basket. Playing with matches. Yeah..I was that kid. Yes, gave my mother, her family, and anyone else something to worry about. I could even write about how many people fondled with my dick. TMI? Honey, you don't even know the half of it. Though, not pissed about that. Who gives a shit. What I am trying to imply here, is the signs. What more can I say?




When the family and I moved to Jackson Nj, started out in a new school. H.C. Johnson elementary school. Then, C.W. Goetz Middle school. As for my gardes, they were not so bad. I still ran away from this household. Gee, I wonder why? Signs were there. I can bitch and complain about when I had kids picking on me. Or the first time, I heard someone call me a fag. The many of times I had chewing gum thrown into my hair. Or when being spit upon by other kids. That was public school for you. A way to deal with life and how to grow.




The biggest sign was the radical drop when it came to high school. As I said before, high school was a bitch for anyone who has ever attended. No matter who you are. I don't blame the school system. Nor do I blame my parents or anyone else. We were all learning. Not to mention dealing with other issues in our lives. We all just had to deal with it. There were times I would find my locker cleaned out. Only my school books were there. Placed in the order that I went to class. The many whispers and not to mention remarks. When I got jumpped. (Knew it was going to happen sooner or later.) I went to work right afterwards. Well, after the cops taking the statements and then getting checked out by the doctor. Long story, short I was sent home. Even though, the walk to work was about an hour. Back and forth. I'm not trying to whine here, I'm saying. Keep going. Suck it up, mother fucker. Suck it up.



Anyone who knows this drill. Knows what I am talking about. Tredding around the school with black and blue bruises. Going to work where kids from school banged on the grocery store window and laughed. The jumping wasn't really a gay bashing but the intention was. It happens. Some silly rumor that someone said I mention. I rememeber, one day these two muscle queens came rushing into the Doley's thriftway where I worked as a cashier. A good looking couple who moved from NY to the Regency Club apartemnts. They used to come by once it awhile. The bigger one used to do some harmless flirting. When they heard, they came by. They would not leave. Another guy stared making fun of me and before I could even turn around this muscle queen ran out and scared the shit out of him. When I got off work that night. They were there to take me home. They pleaed with me to get in the car. Now, I said this before, in the old insane blog. Bravery and stupidy walk hand and hand. Here was one of those moments. I told them, "If I don't walk home and stick to my routine, they'll win!"



Nothing happend, nothing was taken to court. We ended moving to the next town over. New school again, and things died down a bit. I did have a few friends who helped. Try to get info at centers, or give me a bit of gay culture at that time. If you had not noticed already my family situation was well, going down hill. I blamed myself, for bring these problems thought. In a way, I did bring this on myself. Anyway, I could go on more but were rounding to the last two years of my high school life. At Freehold township. This is where the first mental break got really out of hand. The hospital records, I will put up later. Which I will hint, there were no drugs involed. Even though, I wish there fucking was.




After my mental fip out, I had to turn myself in to the police. Stay with friends for awhile. I had to quit both jobs that I was working because my mother told everyone about how horrible of a kid I was. Not to mention, it was taken to Monmouth County Superior Court. Everything was happening so fast. I remember a girlfriend of mine that I went to school with was there. Hence, more fucking talk. My senior year, started well. It was great. Like when, I was pulled out of middle of english class in front of everyone, to be summons by the cops. What the hell was that. Some old scared straight bullshit.




My last year of high school was pretty much sugar coated. I told people, to vote me for porm queen, instead of prom king. I showed up with my boyfriend sugar daddy...what ever anyone may want to call it. Everyone knew, my life was well going to be ... SHIT but I stayed in that bubble. Sepressing each memeory so I could live on each day. Hence the article , how trauma affects your memeory. I remember, when I walked into the bathrrom. A guy from a click that I never chatted with was taking a leak. I walked in, started to wash my hands. I felt the moment of dread, waiting for him to say something. What cunty come back will I have to say now, ran threw my head. When I was done, I heard him speak. How do you do it? Not what I was expecting. Huh? was my reply. Looking at him, I saw something different in his behavior. How do you do it? I though for a moment, my reply. I don't know, I just do.



There are alot more problems from my school years which I do not want to share, but like I said I'm writting this to show some signs. We all had are bad times. Some people are not to blame as more then others. They didn't understand at that time. Maybe the articles will help, or it might just help me cope. There were just somethings and issues I could not take the blame for. There is one thing, I can't wait to be apart of the Antidepressant taking nation, because this shit sucks.


Lets jump off this subject matter and into another. A few "Words" that most people use as a credo, to ones own self. Yet, I don't think they fully conceive. Which takes a endurance of considration. Stating these words, wanted these notions. Can make a person a HYPOCRITE. Even such a person like myself but as humans we all are. Showing one side of ourselves, and not the other. Example, your work life compared to your home life. Being one personality, and then another. Most people want Loyalty, Respect, Honesty, Trust, but forget the price that comes with it. Manipulation, Power, Control, Dishonesty. You can't have one without the other. This lies in the person, making those choices of what they are willing to Sacrifice . For what they hope will be a better outcome for themselves and what they covent and pride on.


http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypocrite



http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/credo




With the three people that I knew so well. Here are some of there sayings that stuck. Which I made it work for me. A talent that I have become so accustom too. As general as this may sound, it still affects me till this day.


The many sayings of Cliff Mulkey



1. It's my way or the highway!

My comment, Looks like someone didn't get his way.

2.It's the truth mixed with lies.

My comment, Yeah, until you have put the truth in to action.

3. Legend in his own little mind.

My comment, Someone has been watching to much fucking "Jawbreaker". Do I look like Julie Benz to you?

4. I'm a wed lock child too. You see here in this magazine. This guy I think he my twin.

My comment, none at this point.

5.You play, you pay.

My comment. I guess this blog would be the payment.

6. Incest in all realivtive.

My comment. Guess it takes one to know one right.

7. I want my LIFE back.

My comment. I WANT MY FUCKING YOUTH BACK!

8. Give them enough rope, they hang themselves.

My comment. Well, look who's hanging now. A victim of his own white trash philosophy.



The many sayings of John Halm



1. I'm going to sue for defamation of character.

My comment, This coming from the same person that proclaims how many lawsuits he has going on. But yet, nothing ever happens.

2. I like them young, dumb, and full of cum.

My comment, A motto that Cliff like to say as well but both agreed and joked about. ( Rolling eyes )

3. I have ties to the mob.

My comment, none what so ever. ( Rolling eyes, again! )

4. He's an escort.

My comment, This coming from a man that every boyfriend he had. Was an escort. Someone should really then take a good look at himself and ask why every man he's been with, was an escort.

5. He's a troll whore. ( Meaning Me.)

My comment, He's a home wrecking, walking pharmacy, drunk, pretentious, superficial, sociopathic, faggot ass, old whore. I'm just saying.


The next few sayings are from the police statements, picture down below.

6. Q you just learned his last name now?
A yeah i did.
Q How long have you been acquainted with them?
A I've been friends with cliff since 1989, around 1990, yeah.
Q how long have you know alex?
A the same time that cliff met him. How long ago, I don't know how long it's been.
Q And he's a roommate of cliff's i take it?
A Uh, he had no place to live and cliff took him in.
Q Alright.
A. We're all friends.

My comment. Would have been nice that he told the cops that Cliff and him were fucking too. But that was info everyone knew, even me.

7. Q do you have any idea why he was doing this to clifford?
A I'm not, this kid is a, a, believe he's a con artist, a BS-er, and he's been taking advantage of cliff's good nature, and he wouldn't leave his home and he's been a disaster for a long time. Just that cliff's a nice guy, you know, but what are you going to do. Try to tell him and get rid of him. But.

My comment...Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?

8. Q Alright. Is there anything you'd like to add to this statement?
A UM, 50 YEARS IN JAIL WOULD BE NICE!

My comment..Jail for 50 years, I guess he doesn't know that jail and prison are two different things but as my Public defender said after reading this aloud to me. " What a peice of work!"

9. Accidents will happen. You should get some life insurance.

My comment, SHADY BITCH. This saying was stated. When I sat in his car with him and Cliff. As I told them about the story a few days back when my gas pedal got stuck to the floor and flew down 287, going almost 90 miles per hour. The car Cliff fixed. He was the only one who worked on my cars too. Yes cars, this was not the first time this had happened. Must be a bad auto tech.



Now, somethings I do remember from my great mother of mine. These will always stick in my head now.

The many sayings of Marliyn Blodgett

1. Never put your drink down and walk away.

My comment. Thanks for the common sense tip.

2. I been treated worst by better fucking people.

My comment .. What a great gay come back.

3.Act your AGE, not your mother fucking shoe size.

My comment, I wish these 3 people who were so influential took this peice of advice.

4. The only thing you are good for is for sex. So you better learn how to cook.

My comment, well I'm off the chart nuts. Total kinky freak in bed. I think. ( Crazy bitch sex is the best! So I heard!) I cook okay as for comfort foods and bake a lot. Rachel Gay, I like to call myself. And I'm trying to get this insane blog published. Hell that one more then what my mother though I should be doing. GOALS.. GOALS.. GOALS!!!!! Nothing like setting the bar so high.

6. Show me who your friends are and I will tell you exactly who you are.

My comment. What happens when you have no friends. Then who are you really?

I think I said a mouthful of all sayings that were so inspiring to me. Really inspiring. That would be Sarcasm again. I'm going to leave this last saying for the over all. My mother use to say this all the time. I think anyone can relate but for those three, I hope they really take this to heart.

7. First time shame on you, second time shame on me!

My comment, First time shame on me...SECOND TIME ... SHAME ON YOU!