QUOTE

" I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN ON A YELLOW BRICK QUEST, TO OBTAIN A BRAIN, A HEART, AND SOME FUCKING COURAGE ! "

WELCOME TO A LOW INCOME LIFE!

The content in this blog is to show a small life story. On this sabbatical, I had to put down an insane blog, called Directional and Delusion Aspects. To define it, It was suppose to show the directions that were taken and this delusion of a life that I led in small aspects. Which got a contract to be published. Believe it or not! I'm even amazed that I got it. I became over obsessive with it, because I felt at that time. It was the right thing to do for my sanity and my life. Within the last few months , I had to reserch paper work, doucuments, and go threw repressed memories of my past. Go to police stations, hospitals, lawyers, etc. Come to find out that at the end. If I didn't do this perivous blog, or cry baby story. I would have never figured out the real answers that were being kept from me. I'm no angel and nor a martyr, did a lot of things in my life. To say the least, I'm a example, if i can give myself that much credit. I was this naive dequlient, who repressed everything because of manipulating and spiteful people. Also, it was my own fault too. I'm partially to blame for this. I want this to be known, before anyone presecutes and judges. More so, then what they do now. I must say I'm sorry to those this will affect...in the negative way. It was never my intention! My intention was to better myself. I never wanted it become anything more. I didn't want to becomes famous, nor infamous. I just wanted to be heard and to move on. Finally, to let it go. This was for myself and anybody else who wanted to learn from it. To grow and move on but how can you do that. When you don't even know where you are coming from. Or don't even realize it. So maybe this is just being realistic and just coming to terms. I expect no gratitude, no praise, no pity, no sorrow. Cause I have enough. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say...almost three years worth. I think it's time. What I wanted out of my life, was to overcome my suppressors and live a full life with all emotion. Ican finally say. I can do that. NOW!

Monday, March 28, 2011

"Medical Records Volume One " / Voicing Accusations

Juvenile delinquency
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Juvenile delinquency refers to abnormal social or legal behavior by children or adolescents, for dealing with juveniles, such as juvenile detention centers. There are a multitude of different theories on the causes of crime, most if not all of which can be applied to the causes of youth crime.

A Juvenile Delinquent is one who repeatedly commits crime. These juvenile delinquents sometimes have mental disorders/behavioral issues such as post traumatic stress disorder or bipolar disorder, and are sometimes diagnosed with conduct disorder[1] partially as a result of their delinquent behaviors.

Contents
1 Juvenile sex crimes
2 Social disorganization
3 Differential association
4 Labeling
5 Male phenomenon
6 Risk factors
6.1 Individual risk factors
6.2 Mental disorders
6.3 Family environment
6.4 Prevention
7 Societal consequences


Juvenile sex crimes
Minor commit sexual crimes refer to individuals adjudicated in a criminal court for a sexual crimes are defined as sexually abusive behavior committed by a person under the age of 18 that is perpetrated “against the victim’s will, without consent, and in an aggressive, exploitative, manipulative, or threatening manner."

Examining prevalence data and the characteristics of juvenile sex offenders is a fundamental component to obtain a precise understanding of this heterogeneous group. With mandatory reporting laws in place, it became a necessity for providers to report any incidents of disclosed sexual abuse.

Social disorganization
Current positivist approaches generally focus on the culture. A type of criminological theory attributing variation in crime and delinquency over time and among territories to the absence or breakdown of communal institutions (e.g. family, school, church and social groups.) and communal relationships that traditionally encouraged cooperative relationships among people.

Merton's suggests five adaptations to this dilemma:

1.Innovation: individuals who accept socially approved goals, but not necessarily the socially approved means.
2.Retreatism: those who reject socially approved goals and the means for acquiring them.
3.Ritualism: those who buy into a system of socially approved means, but lose sight of the goals. Merton believed that drug users are in this category.
4.Conformity: those who conform to the system's means and goals.
5.Rebellion: people who negate socially approved goals and means by creating a new system of acceptable goals and means.
A difficulty with strain theory is that it does not explore why children of low-income families would have poor educational attainment in the first place. More importantly is the fact that much youth crime does not have an economic motivation. Strain theory fails to explain violent crime, the type of youth crime which causes most anxiety to the public.

Differential association
The theory of Differential association also deals with young people in a group context, and looks at how peer pressure and the existence of gangs could lead them into crime. It suggests young people are motivated to commit crimes by delinquent peers, and learn criminal skills from them. The diminished influence of peers after men marry has also been cited as a factor in desisting from offending. There is strong evidence that young people with criminal friends are more likely to commit crimes themselves[citation needed]. However it may be the case that offenders prefer to associate with one another, rather than delinquent peers causing someone to start offending. Furthermore there is the question of how the delinquent peer group became delinquent initially.

Labeling
Labeling theory states that once young people have been labelled as criminal they are more likely to offend. (Eadie & Morley: 2003 p. 552) The idea is that once labelled as deviant a young person may accept that role, and be more likely to associate with others who have been similarly labelled. (Eadie & Morley: 2003 p. 552) Labelling theorists say that male children from poor families are more likely to be labelled deviant, and that this may partially explain why there are more lower-class young male offenders.(Walklate: 2003 p. 24)


Male phenomenon
Youth crime is disproportionately male: theorists and others have examined why this is the case. One suggestion is that ideas of masculinity may make young men more likely to offend. Being tough and reckless may be a way young men attempt to express their masculinity. Acting out these ideals may make young men more likely to engage in antisocial and criminal behaviour. Alternatively, rather than young men acting as they do because of societal pressure to conform to masculine ideals; young men may actually be naturally more aggressive, daring etc. As well as biological or psychological factors, the way young men are treated by their parents may make them more susceptible to offending. According to a study, adolescent males who possess a certain type of variation in a specific gene are more likely to flock to delinquent peers.

Risk factors
Individual risk factorsIndividual psychological or behavioural risk factors that may make offending more likely include intelligence, impulsiveness or the inability to delay gratification, aggression, empathy, and restlessness. (Farrington: 2002) Children with low intelligence are likely to do worse in school. This may increase the chances of offending because low educational attainment, a low attachment to school, and low educational aspirations are all risk factors for offending in themselves. (Walklate: 2003 p. 2) Children who perform poorly at school are also more likely to truant, which is also linked to offending. (Farrington: 2002 p. 682) If strain theory or subcultural theory are valid poor educational attainment could lead to crime as children were unable to attain wealth and status legally. However it must be born in mind that defining and measuring intelligence is troublesome. Young males are especially likely to be impulsive which could mean they disregard the long-term consequences of their actions, have a lack of self-control, and are unable to postpone immediate gratification.

Mental disorders
Conduct disorder usually develops during childhood and manifests itself during an adolescence life. Some juvenile behavior is attributed to the diagnosable disorder known as conduct disorder. Juvenile delinquents who have recurring encounters with the criminal justice system are sometimes diagnosed with conduct disorders because they show a continuous disregard for their own and others safety and property. Once the juvenile continues to exhibit the same behavioral patterns and turns eighteen he is then at risk of being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and much more prone to become a serious criminal offender. One of the main components used in diagnosing an adult with antisocial personality disorder consists of presenting documented history of conduct disorder before the age of 15. These two personality disorders are analogous in their erratic and aggressive behavior. This is why habitual juvenile offenders diagnosed with conduct disorder are likely to exhibit signs of antisocial personality disorder as they mature. Once the juveniles reach maturation their socially unacceptable behavior has grown into a life style and they develop into career criminals. "Career criminals begin committing antisocial behavior before entering grade school and are versatile in that they engage in an array of destructive behaviors, offend at exceedingly high rates, and are less likely to quit committing crime as they age.

Family environment
Family factors which may have an influence on offending include; the level of parental supervision, the way parents discipline a child, parental conflict or separation, criminal parents or siblings, and the quality of the parent-child relationship Children brought up by lone parents are more likely to start offending than those who live with two natural parents, however once the attachment a child feels towards their parent(s) and the level of parental supervision are taken into account, children in single parent families are no more likely to offend than others. Conflict between a child's parents is also much more closely linked to offending than being raised by a lone parent. If a child has low parental supervision they are much more likely to offend. Many studies have found a strong correlation between a lack of supervision and offending, and it appears to be the most important family influence on offending.When parents commonly do not know where their children are, what their activities are, or who their friends are, children are more likely to truant from school and have delinquent friends, each of which are linked to offending. A lack of supervision is connected to poor relationships between children and parents, as children who are often in conflict with their parents may be less willing to discuss their activities with them. Children with a weak attachment to their parents are more likely to offend.

Prevention Delinquency
Prevention is the broad term for all efforts aimed at preventing youth from becoming involved in criminal, or other antisocial, activity. Increasingly, governments are recognizing the importance of allocating resources for the prevention of delinquency. Because it is often difficult for states to provide the fiscal resources necessary for good prevention, organizations, communities, and governments are working more in collaboration with each other to prevent juvenile delinquency.

With the development of delinquency in youth being influenced by numerous factors, prevention efforts are comprehensive in scope. Prevention services include activities such as substance abuse education and treatment, family counseling, youth mentoring, parenting education, educational support, and youth sheltering.

- Reductionism - e.g. over-simplifying complex experiences and circumstances by converting them to simple quantities, relying on a psychosocial focus whilst neglecting potential socio-structural and political influences;

- Determinism - e.g. characterizing young people as passive victims of risk experiences with no ability to construct, negotiate or resist risk;

- Imputation - e.g. assuming that risk factors and definitions of offending are homogeneous across countries and cultures, assuming that statistical correlations between risk factors and offending actually represent causal relationships, assuming that risk factors apply to individuals on the basis of aggregated data.

Societal consequences
Once the juvenile offender reaches maturation he or she is likely to continue exhibiting maladaptive behaviors and increases his risk of being cycled through the criminal justice system as an adult offender. Due to the small population of habitual adult and juvenile offenders attributing for the large percentage of violent crimes (i.e. murder and aggravated assault) the criminal justice system should supervise the small population of career criminals in an effort to prevent the spawning of serious violent offenders. If mental disorders such as conduct disorder go undiagnosed and untreated the juvenile offender has the increased potential to later develop antisocial personality disorder and continue his life as a career criminal. The majority of violent offenders exhibit characteristics of antisocial personality disorder and exhibit it no later than age 15. Antisocial personality disorder is a common diagnosis for a serial killer. Authors Alvarez and Bachman found that one similarity among serial killers was their prior criminal convictions. In this case conduct disorder can become a probable constituent to serial murder if not diagnosed and treated before it fully develops in adulthood as antisocial personality disorder. Both conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder are categorized as personality disorders under the DSM-IV-TR and share extremely similar definitions as explained above in 'Mental Disorders'. Some of the common characteristics include consistent violation of societal norms, aggressive behavior towards people,and a disassociation to the emotion of empathy. These traits are also common amongst serial killers and if the maladaptive behaviors are not treated they have the potential to conceive a person that fantasizes about killing several victims and then fulfills their impulsivity when they are no longer capable of suppressing it

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juvenile_delinquency#Societal_consequences


Above is the definition for Juvenile delinquency. Not saying I wasn't one. It's the extreme matter that comes to thought. If I was this mental case. It would have been foreseen. Like in the paperwork that is applied at the bottom of this blog. Also, I would have exhibited these behaviors afterwards, through my adult years. Going through the criminal justice system, over and over again. Remember, I still went to work, volenteered, applied myself to social groups and going to other hospitals or medical centers for help. I pushed myself to make tons of efford, with little result.


Recently, I got an e-mail from someone that read the blog and said they understood. They also mention, I condem myself for issues that were beyond my control. Taking the blame for other peoples responsibilities. I wrote back, telling him. I am to blame cause I gave those beings in my life that control. It's the reason why I am so hard on myself. Why I let those people drive me to the edge of my sanity. I wanted to let it go, but it wasn't about that. It was about them letting go. Which was not going to happen.


Accusations and Excuses

I stayed slient, because I did not see the croruption that surrounded me. Being naive at the time, but still not a full excuse. I always heard people talk game, gossip, rumors. Which as anyone would know, sometimes has a ripple effect. My mother and the two others. Cliff and John were no different. No one wanted to believe me because I was labeled the trouble maker. After while of having this reputation for so many years, I started to see where it was coming from. We all like to ask about the latest gossip, but do not ask where it's coming from. Most of all, are they a reliable source.

A women who knew of my situation, a co worker. Advised, that I should write an angry memoir. This was around the time when I was living at Countryside. Working at the Home depot as a cashier. In Edison Nj. The idea. The seed. Hence my sinster plan! Whoa! The plot thickens. That would be a saracastic undertone. Everytime, I reminisce about my mother, that phone call. All our problems, not to mention using my ssn number. The info that Cliff knew. It made no sense to me, at that time. I could not go back to her. She kept running her mouth to anyone. Since I knew Cliff and John so well, pasted experience. Them being messes themselves. It would not be hard to get a confession out of them. At least, so I thought.

I had to do something, so I took the co workers idea. I would write a book about my issues. Just two or three dud copies. Showing my experiences. Using name's as Broadway, aka Hollywood aka John Halm. I called it, Fast Forward Faggot. Pathic but I found it funny. LOL. The plan was to go back to Cliff, which was what he wanted. He was at my apartment most of the time. When his deed was done, he would leave. Why would anyone keep this going? He was all I had at the time. I did love him. Not to mention, he was there at the times when my family was not. I could not get past that Betrayal though. I could not get past his lies, the paraniod game( mutter something under your breath so the other person could barely here you. Mind games.)His other flings, with John. Not to mention the the cars that were, "FIXED." Also, the Roxy issue.So I moved back in with him. Sleeping in the guest bedroom/office. I seprate myself from him, but kept a close watch. Playing a head game till he cofessed to the roxy issue. I printed up copies, and placed them under the cheap walmart shelf system. Also, another false draft on his computer.



There was no intention to harm Cliff. None whatsoever, just to get him to confess. Having the motto from cruel intentions. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!" Always trying to be two steps ahead. Not to mention, to see how much infomation mother had told them. This was exhausting. Always showing this false appearance. Working two full time jobs, security guard and the delivery job. Going to school part time. Lincoln tech. Not to mention, going out to the club Roxy. To spark up what happen that New years. It wasn't what happen that night that bothered me, ticked me off. Yes. It was everything that was in between. There was even the time, Cliff and I went to the Roxy for the holloween party, I went as some dumbass angel and him a werewolf. We even had our picture taken for HX mag or was it Next. Anyway, I brought Cliff back up to the balcony where it went down. Turned to him, got close and whispered. "Remember this SPOT?" he looked into my eyes with a panic and walked away.



Now, that I look back at that moment. I should have pushed him off the balcony. Whatever. In my opinion, my mother did have something to do with this. For her reasons, well look at the records down below. She bad mouth me as much as she could to get Respect. Blackballed here. Or it was 90's Tough LOVE. Someone took tough love a little too far. Why? Well, control and power. Does anybody think that she was really going to tell me that I was adopted. This was her way of leverage over me. I would had to come back sooner or later.



Another issue, the many Accusations. So here is 50,000.00 question. If what these three people have to say is true. Why didn't they do anything before. They took it for granted and though it was going to go away. It's easier taking advantage of the naive one, then it was for them to take the blame for themselves. So as a lesson here, before anyone can talk smack. Make sure you have some reasonable doubt behind it. Some proof. Suffer some Symptoms from a tramatic events. I had mine, why can't they be that forward? Do I smell bullshit? Reputations are at stake and no one wants a scandal . Also, here is another question. Why am I so convicted on doing this. Answer. Cause my life and sanity were at stake. And that is a fact, which is proven right here. I put this on myself. I made a choice, to take the ugly truth. Instead of the fabricated lie. You see, I made a ultimatum here. Either they tell the truth about themselves or I will do it for them. By showing what has happen to me. Fact of the matter. They will never be this truthful with out using some excuse.



Freehold Centra State



I really can't say much about that hospital records. I think when someone looks over them. They will see what I mean. All that bullshit from that past. Blaming myself for what happend. Knowing I was driving my family away. My sister tell me that they were leaving me behind. That just set things motion, like a ticking time bomb ready to go off. It was the summer of 2000. Working two part time jobs, at a local supermarket and the burger king right out in front of the friendship shopping plaza in howell nj. My last year of high school coming up.



When this incident happend, I just got home. Found a letter, taped to my bedroom door. Written from my mother damanding money for rent. It was suppose to teach responablity. Which didn't mind that but what made me crack, was the way she said it. I could go on more about this but I will not. The bomb went off. My anger got the best of me. I flipped. Kicking in a grandmother clock window. Throwing a dinning room chair threw the window the front. Another chair threw the kitchen/dinning room window in the back. The rage was boiling threw me, till I saw I was bleeding. I had puncture my left ankle.



I could go on more, how I was singing, and laughing inappropriately like a child. "Do you think your better off alone, do you think your better off alone!" Being rushed into the ER. Everything was a daze, so many emotions all at once. This was not me at all. This nightmare, was a new beginng for my adult years. Something that I don't want to remember. The paperwork anyone can see when I came in, how I was treated. What was in my system, which was nothing. But last, how I was dischraged. Abrasions/Muitiple Stress.



To be honest with anyone right now. This is getting harder and harder for me to write. Reliving all these issues, and the reasons why and what I thought I was to blame for. Taking this label, and embracing it but never dealing with it fully. The label of being trouble maker, a Juvenile Delinquent, a whore, etc. etc. etc. These stigmas are what poeple used. The insecurities. Which majority of people pry on. Once someone embraces these labels, forced to take it. It's easier to place the blame on that person. Anyway, I will end this matter. I will go back to some damn qoute. It's from a TV show. Point Pleasent. "Crazy people see the truth for what it is. That's the reason why the go crazy, because they can't handle the truth!"

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