THE EPILOGUE -- TIME

Epilogue - An epilogue, epilog or afterword is a piece of writing at the end of a work of literature or drama, usually used to bring closure to the work. The writer or the person can deliver a speech, speaking directly to the reader, when bringing the piece to a close, or the narration may continue normally to a closing scene.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epilogue




Time - Time is a part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify rates of change such as the motions of objects.[1] The temporal position of events with respect to the transitory present is continually changing; future events become present, then pass further and further into the past. Time has been a major subject of religion, philosophy, and science, but defining it in a non-controversial manner applicable to all fields of study has consistently eluded the greatest scholars. A simple definition states that "time is what clocks measure".



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time



To try to sum this all together is preposterous! The horrific blogger / writer that seems to like the attention and waste others time. ( Comment I heard someone say. ) It was unavoidable, though. Knowing I had to make logical sense out of this foolishness. Attempting to try, one last time. With what little I had and knew. I never said I'm any better then anyone else. I never wanted to make a ample deal about this. Many poeple said to me, "Grow up!" Not realizing that they have not grown up themselves. (Meaning, by takening the blame for there own actions in there own lives.) I had people mention to others that I have a drug addiction / dependancy. Yet, there the ones that do the same, if not more. Yes, I still use drugs. The ones that are prescribe to me. LOL. Now, someone may say. Well, that doesn't count. To me it does! It just that taboo of how to say it. Oh was I suppose to use the term narcotics instead. LOL. See where I am getting at. The whole tomato / tamoto concept. Just by the words alone, it put shame on someone. Forbid, if that someone owns up to it. ( For those who like to know how much I'm taking, One pill, once a day. 150mg. Mild dose. I'm so Patty Duke aka Neely O'Hara! LOL! )



Check this out, a web address that shows a diagram for how to discribe a user / abuser. Can you find yourself in that scale? Now, be honest! Also for those in the gay community, look the scale. It's RAINBOW! Wait a Minute! People may perceive that as an awful thing to say! (Little joke, there!)



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Spectrum_Diagram.PNG



I stated before, my way of thinking maybe askew. Always sorting throught the Negative bullshit first. Knowing what is left, is the equilibrium. Or a positive outcome. For those that do not follow. Glass of water concept. How childish, right? I never target the half full or half empty. My goal is always the middle. Having that concept in mind. Yes, I will have to go from one end or the other but I always know the balance is guarantee. A safe zone. A realistic assurance.



Very basic and dim witted, yet it works for me. I took what I learned. Re-fixed, if I felt it needed it and left the rest behind. Most people did not know, I was leaving Cliff. There were a lot that people whom didn't know anything nor did they care. I had it all planned out but I screwed up. Of course. I didn't let that be my downfall and give up. Understanding there was more to this story then some wanted me to know. There has been a bunch of trials and errors, which takes a lifetime to comprehend. Takes time to learn and accept. How do we accept? Well, let take some things into consideration. Surroundings, Education, Emotions, ETC. Need I say anymore.



TIME, is what they have in common though. Rose Kennedy once qouted, It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. We all know this. Yet, for those who can reflect back. From one ERA to another, a lot would say. "Wow, If I can change back the hands of time!" ( Hence, those are the ones who tell me to, "Grow up!") Not getting that they were suppose to go threw it. That was their process of Maturing. TIME is the biggest bitch of all. It's one thing, that we can not control, and wish we could change. Another is to not agknowledge or comprehend why did the things that we did. Then afterwards to choose to accept it or not. That Denial. Do I feel after all what I said, all that I felt, everything that I experienced. Should I reconsider? No, it would defeat the whole purpose. Why dwell on it if I did everything that I could have done? Why put more TIME into it?




“Amor Fati – “Love Your Fate”, which is in fact your life.” Friedrich Nietzsche. I view fate as an ending. Nothing more, nothing less. Just an endding. Each endding, I had in my LIFE, has been a trying era or period. Keeping in mind, that I am not the only one. It's the coming to terms with it that really shows besides the effort. This blog was and still is my FUCK YOU to those people. My Suppressors who kept me from things that I should had know from the get go. Threw those experiences, which most see as pathic. I seen it as a way out. A way of self destruction. Voicing to myself, "Without distruction, there can be no Creation!" I had to go back into a past and take on issues,and terms that I never "REALLY", agknowledge.





It took TIME, to master many concepts. We all know the ghetto and trailer park story. Since a lot of us come from there. Or are still there. Forbid, we have to remind our selves of that. I fought for my second chance. The unforeseen, that many do not get. Almost 30, I torn myself to shreads in other to understand myself better. In front of people on twitter, just to prove a point. A growing up process, some do early in there lifetime. Others, do futher down the road of time. Ranging from their 20's, 30's, 40's, or 50's. Enough is enough though, let me explain the need for this in bullet points. So others can understand where I am coming from and what I was up against.




WHAT HAPPEN AFTERWARDS




. On the 25th of June 2011. I got arrested.



. On the 27th of June. I got out on an ROR. Was escorted by police officers to get belongings, found things of mine were missing. They belonged to the story/blog. I only got some belongings back, NOT ALL.



. On the 30th of June. They won the Final restraining order by DEFAULT. ( Final was held at Elizabeth, NJ. )



. Early evening, July 1st. I realized the small mistake. ( Mixing up the dates. )



. ( Besides the 4th of July weekend and working.) I managed to go over to Elizabeth, NJ to put in a motion to be heard about the Final Restraining order. That was on July 5th.



. July 5th. On my way back to Beachwood NJ, on Garden State Parkway. My car seizes out. The engine is shot!



. I lose my job, two days afterwards. Can't get to the locations. It was a traveling job. Some locations were out of state.




. The 21st of July. I go before the Judge in Plainfield to enter in the plea.
They decide to press charges. ( Hence the blog last two entries, on the the 14th and the 5th of July. ) I refused the plea bargin.

TWO YEARS OF PROBATION or ONE YEAR IN COUNTY JAIL.

They were saying, I took a Glass Jar and smashed it a persons face. I mention about the motion for the restraining order I put in. They had no idea.




. July 25th into the 26th. I walked to the Netherwood train station to cool off. I have a very severe panic attack at the train station and collaspe. Body spasms, and could not breath. Taken to ER and put into obersevation at JFK hospital. No one came. No money, either. Took me half the day to get back to Beachwood from Edison. By the time I got back, I felt like I had 3 rounds with a heavyweight.




. On the 30th, it was time for me to go. ( With Friends. They have lives too! My drama did not help.) They dropped me off at the YMCA, for shelter. But keep in touch.




. August 3rd, I was finally put in as HOMELESS by social services. Did the dance as most low rent people have to go threw. Since I work for 3 different companys as an Independant contractor. I do work. But I hardly get any hours or very few contracts. Since it is all 3 party company work. They made me go threw the process for workforce anyway. 28 days waiting.After the progarm is done. You can talk about your case, but it can take up to 30 days more to open. ( This is what I was told.)



. August 10th, go to Elizabeth, for my motion. I was heard. Everything taped recorded. I got two bonuses that day. They and their lawyer put in two counter motions. Also the judge read majorty of what was on my motion on the tape recorder. He agreed, it was to show my responablity but also to be at least HEARD!



. August 18th had over 600.00 stolen from me. Had a pre paid Card on me that was 900.00 for the trial. Each charge of Simple assault in NJ is. 1000.00 dollars, max fine. I had two charges! Do the math.



. I went into UCPC. Plainfield NJ. August 19th. Was diagnosed bipolar 2. ( Anxiety, Interpersonal realsonships, and Mood swings) Giving meds.



The rest of the month, of August. I was preparing myself for this little trial. Which was on the 8th of September. I Subpoena two of the four cops. I found as many lies as possible in the motions that they sent to the Judge in Elizabeth, NJ. Dealing with other sorts of people, who stuck in the system. Some far worst, then I. Use your Imagination. By the 8th of september. I did most of all the work for the public defender that I requested.





The trial was more emotional for me then anyone, I put my heart into this. Trying to prove myself. I endded getting what I wanted. After hour and half of showing what I had. I proved my point. Having the other party. RETHINK their plea bargin. I proved that they were lieing, I proved that were making things up. I proved the motions were done in panic. I endded up footing a bill. Also, taking the charges. They didn't have any medical insurance, so instaed of taken the bigger fee for the Simple assault. Just take the bill instead since they didn't go threw the program. Which the hospital pays for the part of the bill.




I ended up seeing 3 different lawyers. Just to hear what I was up against and how they would go about the case. The point of all this circus. There were four different stories told. the police report, (tro) temporary restraining order stated another story, the panic motions were another story, and so was the warrant! during The trial they just stood there slient. These were the reason why they went after me.



Make me look like the hypocrite.

Go after the blog.

Lie about there lifestyle.

To take a harsher sentence.

Keep me from leaving the state.




I can understand why someone would do something like this. being vindictive, feeling they should be able to punish and put pain on a person. The fact though they should have told the truth as well and not make a bigger deal about it. Instead, they thought they could be sly. I'm glad, I had this conviction. I'm not the smartest person and I know that for a fact. Of course, doing this! I seem to have wowwed a lot more people. To show how to be effective. Within the amount of TIME. I made people eat there words in a way. Not proud of it! Of course, I did it because I had too. I did a lot that most people would not do. Anyone who does not see why, can look below to find out and understand. I put so much TIME. That I sort of remembered my past and masterd it.




My fate was to leave, just what I wanted to do. So long ago. I was not going to let another person get in the way of doing that. TIME is what I had, and it was what I used to end this once and for all. Other people would have given up or paided someone else to do it. I spent TIME on this. TIME IS THE BIGGEST BITCH OF ALL! Those Long Illed Fateless Eras. LIFE. Really do a number on you. Remember, I did this without progarms, therapist's, 12 step, etc.





I not happy with what I have done, but I comprehend it. REALLY understand it and that why I can afford to talk this way. You have to go threw it to understand it, to grasp that concept. Then accept it. I have the oddest perception to get threw issues. I look towards the negative first. Why, because I know there will only be two other option after all the negative backlash. I said this before. I'm just use to it. I know all my bad points, and I can accept them for what they are "REALLY" are!




Long Illed, is a great way to discribe some parts of L.I.F.E. It's long and it sometimes dumb and dreadfully stupid. We all know this. As for fateless, well as I said. I look at fate as the end. That is it. An endding. But alast, ERAS. That's where the factor is. ERA..that period of time. There's is that word again, TIME. So if, LIFE can be long illed. That fateless..which means no end. It's endless. Era is just a time period.




I look at it as L.I.F.E. could be Long Illed. (That would be the, "Realist" in me.) Not that it is going to be for the rest of my life! Get it? Perception. From what I have been threw, I can say it has been as well! But the other half, fateless. Meaning it endless, there is no end. There is only "POSSIBLITES". In those eras, that I have not gone threw yet. I take things that most poeple have look as wrong as a negative way and made it work for myself. Trying to find a positive way out of it or look at it in a way that most would not. A trick that most people do not do for themselves.




So many people missed the bigger picture. In some states, anyone who writes a blog, is consider a writer. I got my story PUBLISHED. I also got my point acrossed. I stayed true to myself. I pushed threw the shit, and found out things I never knew I had in me. I did something that those five people and many of my fellow realitives could never do. Own up to my own faults, and show them for who they really were and still are to this day. The ugly truth hurts, that's why I went after myself! Know yourself first! Weakness and all.




It's a talent that many poeple do not have. Maybe some do and I have not met them. I Guess what I am really trying to say here, is that with TIME. I had to keep pushing because I want to get my word out. To show I am telling the truth and if I can't get it one way I will do it another, until those people understand. That this was their fault as well! I can't keep balaming myself for other peoples faults. That blaming myself for all these years, was bullshit! I took all this time to find out something I NEVER KNEW! Each era of my life, I tried to understand myself at that time. This is the first era, where it has come to an offical end. Where I have some.... Clarity!
At least, I feel that way in my gut!




Not that, my futre will not be troublesome. I went back into my past and did this by myself. I worked my ass off to put people in there place. I didn't care how I looked as the same as I was back then. I was and still am going to be ME! Airheaded, goofy, crazy, ME! I didn't have the education to make it more tasteful which I feel takes away from this blog, or the concept of it. Doesn't mean, I'm not telling the truth. I ran my mouth for over a year or so. Doing this dance, just to accomplish one thing which was what I was going to do before, 07/08/2007. LEAVE THE STATE. Move away. To get away from those people who drove me up the wall. As much as they say, I did the same. Was it Fate? Yes, it was!






There are facts to my fate that I have to Love! Out of my entire family, I pulled off what I said what I was going to do. Besides that, the last name I have ISN"T REALLY MINE! Those trying moments where I said, Fuck it! Where I finally fought back.Someone mention to me. "Welcome to the next level!" What I was thinking..." You mean, there's a NEXT LEVEL? FUCK!!!!!!! LOL! What ever happens next well, will be if a different enivorment. But i guess i am coming to my close, Nietzsche once said. At least, I think it was. "There is your way and there is my way. But as for the RIGHT way. The ONLY way. It does not to exist!" This my way. A way that few don't bother doing. Taking what they can learn. Chopping it up, reworking it. Making it work for themselves. Just because something sounds negitive doesn't mean, that the person is always looking at it as a negative outcome or answer. It's not the best advice and it's not the most oringial but it's a statement that I have heard but held true.





Take everyones advice and listen to where they are coming from. Be selective on what you chose to listen too, and if you have to rework it in a way that works for you. DO IT! MORE FUCKING POWER TOO YOU! EMPOWER YOURSELF BITCHES! Then leave the rest behind and walk away. Some people made me seem like the next Valerie Solanas! LOL! Right now, I can say that I finally did that. Not promising there will be a brillant future, but there will be A FUTURE. That the many possiblites are in those eras. That the time that I spent on this was not a waste. Though it was a bitch spending such time on this material. But now, Knowing I do not have to blame myself for everything. That it was not all my fault. Allen Lakein qouted, Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life. I can surely now say, I have not wasted it! No matter what anyone will say or do!