DREAMS. YOU DECIDE WHAT THEY MEAN.

To wander off or away from the topic is something I should do once in awhile. To show what's in my head and what on my unconscious mind. Since I been around only a certain type of intellect. I can tell you how certain people like to play deceptive practices. But to say the least, that is part of the human condition. To get others to amitt things. Or how they play these games to get others to change there ways. For there own favors or benefits. Well here is one instances. Why we don't play with other people's heads. In a nut shell, it's turns back on them. Or it back fires.

As for this blog, if I tell everything at once. Say what's on top of my head. It will comsume me. So I figured. If I write a rough copy of what the topic is and then come back to it a week or two later. It would refrain me from looking like a total mess. Oh, too late! I tired not to look into the meanings of these dreams. Or to go to much in depth. But these dreams do have to do with my subconscious mind. So someone who knows me very well, could try but I have to say. "GOOD LUCK! YOUR GOING TO NEED IT!".

So I will disclose four of mental pictures. Anyone can comment on them if they desire. The first vision that adhere. Is one, that has to do when I was back in High school. My last year after my family abandon me. It was a couple of months before I graduated. I was in a class room staring at a book that laid on the desk in front of me. The class room was empty and there was nothing on the blackboard. The lights were on and the windows had blinds covering them.

The book that laided in front of me was thick and laden. The title of this hard covered copy. This light brown novel. Was, "My Future". In gold lettering. I opened the book and the pages were pure white. All of them. Nothing was written on them. They were just blank white pages. The novel was unwritten.

After the "Class of 2001", Graduated. I had the same dream again. This time when I opened the book, the pages were black. Pitch black, almost surreal. When I awoke from this dream. I knew that my future life was going to be very lurid. No matter how optimistic people were. Even if there were content times depending on the prespective. I knew, I was only lieing to myself. Like most humans do. If not all. Not saying I was doomed, but there were going to be a lot of nebulous times. That the extent in the past. That was so pure white. Were over now.

Now please, cast no bullshit compassion for that dream. That was long ago, not to mention a time when I was naive. No benevolence. Or forbearance. This next dream was around a half a year ago. A darken room with black sheets. I was on my hands and knees. Focusing at a intense gray cement wall. Completely stark naked, looking like something out a dark gay porn. No offence to gay porn. Just that how the dream was. Anyway,I felt someone loom over me and cup my balls. Rubbing them gently. As if someone would rub there pets head, who was starving attention. The hairs on my body stood up with pleasure and sudden fear.

Curiosity plauged my head, as his hands ran up my back, to my neck. It was gentle and slow, then with one swift motion. He grabbed me by the hair and yanked it back. My whole body swung to a falling motion . With a small yelp. I fell to the cement floor, hard. Collapsing right onto my face. It knocked the wind out of me. Tears fell from my eyes and my body laid paralized.

The darken figure loomed over me, and picked up my head with both hands. Blood started to pour from my broken nose. Spilling all over the floor and running down my face. Starting to sob the figured let my head go as it hit the floor once again with a "thud"! "Now stay there!" he griped. He walked over me. His foot steps made the room echoed.

A few minutes later, after some loud shuffeling and laughing. He came back, with something. The man set something right in front of me. As he stepped over me. My naked body started to shake more so then before. Almost to a point of trembling. I felt the man sit on my back and then pull my head up, once again. What I could make out. Besides the puddle of blood leaking all over. Dripping into a puddle I was lying at. Was a camcorder. It was on, I could see the red light blinking. Pulling my head back more so, the man whispered something into my ear. "Now, let everyone see!"

Maybe I should stop watching horror films for awhile! LOL. The next one is something a little less sinister. I'm in a white room, NOT PADDED! Sitiing on a white hospital bed. The lighting is bright, but I could see a door at one end of the room. With a gold knob. It was on my left hand side. Above the door was a loud speaker. I walked over to the door and tried it. Locked.

Turning back, I saw a two way mirror above the bed. Knowing there was someone behind that mirror. I walked up to it quickly. Not even, looking at my own reflection. I paided no attention to that. Odd don't you think? You would ponder. I would at least be a bit conceded in my dreams. That's when I heard them from the loud speaker. The voices, very quite. Whispers. Almost too faint to hear.

" Crazy, Psycho!" a voice whispered. Sounded like a male. Or was it a female?
"Crack, fucking tard!" A female voice said something. "Crack Already!" The voices on the speaker grew louder and louder. A buzzing from the speaker, grew too. They were doing it intentionality. So I would have to hear them. Covering my ears, I backed away from the mirror. To the middle of the white room, curling into a ball.

Over and over again. "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!". "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!". "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!". "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!". "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!"."Crazy, Psycho, CRACK!". It was almost turning into a chant. "Why wouldn't he break?". A female voice asked. " Don't worry about it, he'll break soon. He can't hold on much longer!". A male voice said with pride. "Keep it up, he'll break!". "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!". "Crazy, Psycho, Crack!". "Crazy, Psycho, CRACK!".

My knees started to shake, and then I finally let go. A loud rageful scream. The chanting stopped and the only thing I could hear was the loud buzzing from the speaker from above the doorway. The door opened a bit, and I could see darken figures whispering to each other. Male and females. "Did it work?" A female asked. I knew who these people were now. People from my past, ex - friends and family.The ones who betrayed me so long ago. "Did he break?"

That's when I turned and faced the door. Smiling to them and shot up my middle finger. With a sly smile, I said a loud. " WAS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?". I stood up and walked back to the bed and sat on it. Facing the doorway. Everyone was sticking there middle finger back at me, and I took both hands and did the same thing back to them. Only with more attitude.

This last dream was pretty resent. This was before I found out I was adopted but who would be able to tell away. Since it's my dream. In this one, I was in a car with some people and we went to this road house gay club out in the middle of nowhere. The parking lot was packed with cars and the music loud as hell too. The people in the car pushed me inside this club so fast I didn't even get the time to ask where we were.

They grabbed my jacket, my wallet, and cell phone. I was washed over by the sea of people on the dance floor and then I fell. To the dirty dismal ground. There was no one around. I looked at the clock which read 4:30am and ran outside. The parking lot was bare and I saw nothing. Just darken hills and pale moon light. Going back inside I sat down across from two drunking drag queens. One looked like a low rent version of Lady Bunny.

"Oh, he's so cute!" One of them said aloud as she dropped the empty cup. The other looked at me, checked me and then said. "Oh, NO HONEY! You do not want that one, he's got ISSUES! It's the reason why his freinds and family left him here. He's getting to close to the truth!" then they staggard away. I had no keys, no jacket, no phone, and no wallet. As the clubs lights cut off and left me in darkness.

Now after this sabbitical, after all the documentation. After all this bitching and complaining. I'm left with complexity. To do something about it, but it may seem resentful and spiteful. Like I'm getting back at these certain people. Let's face it. There is no higher road! Believe me, I have tired to find it. It's a illusion. We all get back each other somehow, in some way. The only thing I would want is to show the same common courtesy as those people showed me. Then after that I would never think of them again. But they can take every second of there fucking lives thinking about me. Until there existence comes to an end.

My life as I know it was all about people wanting to play mind games with my head. Not mention to have power and control. Threw manipulation. Well there is only one way to end this, take the fucking power back. There were so many rumors, half truths, and lies. Of course, no one was able to show a bit of Evidence what so ever. I had to throw myself back into the wolves den. Almost losing my sanity and life numberous times. Of course, this was by my own hand. Hoping, it didn't have to come down to this. I do have to blame myself.

But the question that comes to mind is. What am I so worried about? It's been over three years. If anybody wanted to. They could have sued by now. I know how these people think. How spiteful they really are. They would have done it already. They even pasted up the chance many times before. I know, they will not do it. WHY? Cause there "Reputation", is at stake. They wouldn't be able to come back from this. This late in there age. Victims of there own lies and I called there bluff. Cause if they could. They would be as forward as I am. So let's start again. Only this time, let's add some reasonable doubt. It's all down at the bottom of this blog people. And I will be adding more and more. Every time that I write a blog.