WAS THIS FATE?

Someone once told me, "That we all have choices to make in our lives!" No offence, but I think they neglected to tell me about the fine print. "The rest is up to fate itself!" Now before anyone judges or criticizes, Let me try to explain what I mean by this. To make it simpler for others to understand. A vocabulary lesson that you might of learned back in grade school.

Fate

1 a.The supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events.
b.The inevitable events predestined by this force.

2.A final result or consequence; an outcome.

3.Unfavorable destiny; doom.

4.Fates Greek & Roman Mythology. The three goddesses, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, who control human destiny. Used with the.
[Middle English, from Old French fat, from from Latin fātum, prophecy, doom, from neuter past participle of fārī, to speak.]

This definition can be found on this web site.

http://www.answers.com/topic/fate

What I think fate is. It's just the final result. An inevitable outcome. From the choices, we have made.Wether they are satisfying or substandard.It's almost like Newton's Third Law of Motion. For every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. I'm not implying there is this mystical power or unseen force. Just rendering, that what choice you make. Will have and end result. Wether you disappove of it or not.So is there any questioning about my Locus of control?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control


There is a reason why, I titled one blog. Repression is a Beautiful thing. Well, it's pretty self explanatory.We as humans do not want to remember the atrocious shit from are past, We all just want to forget and move on. To break this cycle though, and make sure I do not repeat another meltdown. I had to find out the truth. So I can, "Let it go!" as most people tell me.

Besides having faith within myself and a deep complex feeling that plauged me for over three years. I kicked started this sabbatical into high gear the summer of 2010. I have been thinking of doing this for awhile. Ever since, I put down my blog. Completely sober and no parties what so ever. I went back into my past. Not just to kick start repressed memomries but to pull up any paperwork that might prove my damage past and show. I am telling the truth.

A movie qoute comes to my head from Scream three. "The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest! Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you."

http://scream.wikia.com/wiki/Scream_3

On this mind fuck of a journey, I went back to the few places I lived. Where I went to school at. Or where there was trouble.Hospitals also. Towns and cities like Freehold, Howell, Jackson, Lakewood, Red Bank,Aberdeen,Sayerville,South Amboy,Old Bridge,Parlin, and Perth Amboy.

What I found out was what I knew, but never had the proof for. Except for,two different types of documentation.One were the medical records from the first break down. My parents were called when it happened. Even though, they were never there. It was stated in the records. My parents affirming, I was very angry and was unable to control myself. With a pending diagnosis of schizophrenia, which had a question mark next to it.

When I was released, at 615pm the same night. The diagnosis was abrasion/multiple stress. But how would they know all this, if I was eighteen at the time. We will get into more detail about that afternoon and that night in another blog.

Another document that stood out was a letter. I came to find. When getting my transcripts from elementary school at Perth Amboy NJ. You see, the old school house was destoryed. So I went to the townships Board of Education, and they told me where to locate them. I was expecting transcripts and report cards. What I got was a heart to heart conversation from the pricipal. He told me he debated about giving me this letter.


Before I got this letter, I only had speculation and a few documents. Before I got this letter, I was a half white trash. Half hispanic. Destin to be low income for the rest of my life. A bad joke, which I used to tell most people. Before I got this letter, the only thing I knew. Was that I was a gay bastard wed lock child. After I got this letter and read it. Which was in my mother's handwritting. It confirmed, what a lieing CUNT she is!

After this letter, it explained a whole lot more. My father was not my real father. "Oh shit! Someone call Maury!" Cause I just found out, I'm adopted!