The last time I was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC, I tweeted a link of a certain illustration. Of all the wondrous representations that are located in the Asian Art section. I was drawed to this certain depiction called, Carpet of Male Effigy. I found myself asking," Why am I attract to this carpet? " Was it because of the taboo subject matter? A naked male, fasten and restricted by chains. The faded color secheme? Maybe, it's just on some deeper level of subconscious? I feel its the reader, who should deliberate what the grounds maybe. Only, "I," will know the true reasoning behind it.
The gallery's label reads. This is a rare example of a carpet depicting a chain-bound male figure (Tibetan: ling ga), here "imprisoned" within a triangular enclosure guarded by severed heads at the terminus of each projection. Such iconography is associated with the destruction of the effigy, during which surrogate imagery is sacrificed in rites that mimic the practices described in ritual texts, which dictate how one must "summon," "bind," and "destroy" internal "demons" and other negative forces that obstruct the attainment of advanced wisdom. The Tibetan sacrificial brazier used in fire ritual (Homa) is also triangular in form, similarly serving as both a prison for capturing destructive elements and a gateway to higher consciousness. The famous manuscript Secret Visions of the 5th Dalai Lama describes and illustrates such rites and the necessary ritual paraphernalia.
http://www.metmuseum.org/works_of_art/collection_database/all/carpet_of_male_effigy/objectview.aspx?page=1&sort=6&sortdir=asc&keyword=carpet of male effigy&fp=1&dd1=0&dd2=0&vw=1&collID=0&OID=60050155&vT=1&hi=0&ov=0
My enlighten insane ramblings now out of the way. I'm going to give some insight on the subject matter called, "The Paranoid Game". Which we all play as human beings.
(The Paranoid Game)
"The Objectives of the Game"
1) Is to get your opponent to react in such a way. That arises suspicion or comfirms. The opponent will do or say something which answers the benefactors assumptions.
2) Once the knowledge is obtain, The information can be use against the opposer.
3) The information can be use to control the opposer. It being mentally, physically, or emotionally. Or, all the above.
4) The Paranoid Game, can be applied to two or more players.
5) At the end, the person would say to their rival. "Your just being paranoid!" Obtaining that information needed but placing the seed of doubt, within the opponent.
EXAMPLE
One day after a heated debate. Cliff and I went to his car to go to the store. The arguement continued inside the car. His aberrant tone made me wonder a bit. He told me to move out. Yet again, this was not the first time he had said this. I remember him also using one of his favorite expessions. "Love it or leave it!" I was getting fed up with this shit. Which was his intention. Anyway, he turned on his CD player and played a song and exclaimed. "This is one of his favorite songs!" "Situation" by Yazoo. Giving me the stink eye while playing that song. So I asked, "What are you trying to say. You want me to move out? You have something to say, then just say it!" Cliff responded, "Oh no, your just being paranoid!"
Now, here is the kicker. Remember, I said something about being two steps ahead in a previous blog. There was a bar friend that Cliff, John, and I had in common. This "Friend," worked at the same mall as I did. He was trying to enquirer info about Cliff and all that drama. You know, the gossiping trash that people talk about. My gut instinct, told me NOT to trust this guy. So to settle the issue. I told him about a few disagreements and how I played songs with lyrics. That matched my feelings of what I felt at that moment. I figured, that there were going to be two ways that this was going to play out. This "Friend," would stay quite and turn out to be genuine. Or, that he would blab and it would get back to Cliff and John. Confirming everything, that I felt and already knew.
How low rent and childish is this game. Yet, it's not uncommon at all. Here is a website that breaks down about mind games. I hope this explains a lot more about the people I had to live with and the games that they played. Also, sheds light on the reason why I had to do what I did.
Psychological Mind Games -- Serious Business, Serious Players
Psychological mind games are habitual patterns and methods of structuring time and obtaining Strokes.
Games are interpersonal time structuring options sandwiched in between the safer, more superficial option of engaging in Pasttimes and the riskier, more candid option of authentic Intimacy.
Psychological games were first identified and cataloged by Eric Berne M.D., founder of Transactional Analysis in his classic book from the mid 1960's Games People Play.
Berne defined a "Game" as: A patterned and predictable series of transactions which are superficially plausible but actually conceal motivations and lead to a well-defined predictable outcome.
Subconscious Repetitive Programs or Patterns of Behavior
These psychological mind games are habitual [neural networked] programs of behavior that exist in the implicit memory and run subconsciously - beneath the awareness of even the initiator of the game.
In other words, we don't intentionally engage in these games... In fact, many of us have expressed and/or heard this friendly warning early in a relationship..."I don't play games".
It's not a good thing to have a reputation as a "player" or a "tease". But since healthy intimacy, 24/7, with everyone we know is not possible in our society we have little choice but to engage in various games.
These psychological mind games are not played for fun...They are dysfunctional subconscious programs that have been created by our Little Professor in order to adapt to the dysfunction of our family and obtain strokes -- even negative strokes are better than no strokes at all.
The games we play are also, at least partly, the result of the role-modeling of our parents. When we watch them play certain games over and over again we develop the network for that program (Intensity and Repetition). They become part of our Love Map.
Many times our parents (subconsciously) even teach us the rules and how to play the games. These teachings are apparent in the Injunctions and Attributions we carry within us throughout life.
Even though many psychological mind games can be harmful, there is always a secondary gain or "payoff" for playing -- also known as a positive intention in Parts Integration Therapy. Here is a partial list of possible Payoffs...
•To structure time
•To obtain strokes -- either negative or positive attention
•To protect one from experiences that are believed to cause pain -- e.g., trusting others or risking intimacy
•To maintain belief systems in a steady-state
•To maintain the experience of familiar emotional themes -- e.g., a steady-state of abandonment, shame, & contempt
•To confirm and maintain an Existential or Psychological Position -- e.g., "I'm not ok...you're ok"
•To block intimacy while receiving enough strokes to "get by" -- it takes a LOT more negative strokes to get by than positive ones.
•To make life and other people predictable
Angular & Duplex Complimentary Transactions
Psychological mind games are played on two levels...the social level (represented by the solid lines) and the psychological level (represented by the dotted lines).
With games, more than two ego states are involved in two complimentary transactions occurring simultaneously...one on a conscious (social) level the other on a subconscious (psychological) level.
•Duplex Transactions involve four ego states. (Diagram - Right)
•Angular Transactions involve three ego states. (Diagram - Below)
On the social level everything appears to be above board, honest Adult-to-Adult communication... but on the psychological level a subconscious program stored in implicit memory is sending a hidden message.
The hidden message is the invitation... or "bait"... from a Child Ego State designed to "hook" a perceived limitation in a Parent or Child Ego State of the receiver of the message.
Key Point: "It takes two to tango"... The partner we choose must know how to play the games we play.
Perceived limitations are identified and "cataloged" through subconscious perception in the partner or mate selection process -- what I call the subconscious synchronization of compatible neural networks.
So, on a conscious level Person A... the initiator... appears to be sending a socially acceptable message -- while on a subconscious level a game is being played.
When the receiver -- Person B -- responds by taking the bait there is a "switch" in ego states by Person A who gets a surprise feeling or experience (the payoff).
Angular transactions are consciously employed by tele-marketers, bill collectors, and door-to-door salesman in order to get the sale or collect the money (payoff). This is probably where the phrase... "What's your angle?" came from. Perhaps the following will illustrate...•Salesman A - Social or conscious Level... "I think this is the best model, but you probably can't afford it". (Verbal message from Adult-to-Adult)
Psychological or subconscious level..."It's not for you". (Non-verbal para-message from Adult-to-Child)
•Customer B - Social or conscious Level... "I'll take it." (Verbal message from Adult-to-Adult)
Psychological or subconscious level..."I'll show you! I'm as good as anyone else!" (Non-verbal para-message from Child-to-Adult)
Duplex transactions, those involving four ego states, are the psychological mind games that we are concerned with here... They are played by innocent people on a subconscious, or mostly subconscious level.
Let's take the following example to show how games are passed on from parent to child...(Diagram - Below)
Context: Billy's mother sat in the living room, talking on the phone with a friend... Suddenly there was a loud crash in the next room... upon entering the room Billy's mother found the cookie jar had been knocked off the table and onto the floor -- Billy was standing next to it.
•Mother (M) - Social or conscious Level... "Who did that?". (Verbal inquiry from Adult-in-the-Adult to the Adult-in-the-Child -- aka Little Professor)
Psychological or subconscious level... Mother knew that Billy broke the jar and she discounted that she should have child-proofed the room... Her social "fact-finding" question was a subconscious invitation for Billy to lie.
•Billy (B) - Social or conscious level..."Sissy did it".
Psychological or subconscious level... Having been witness to mother's anger before, Billy's Little Professor creatively came up with a way out...except for one thing, Sissy had left the house with her father to run errands 30 minutes earlier.
•Mother (M) - Social or conscious Level... Slaps Billy and yells..."I can't stand a liar!". (Switch from Adult to Adapted Child -- specifically the Critical Parent ego state to Billy's Vulnerable Child)
Psychological or subconscious level... Mother's payoff was a surprise feeling of righteous anger that confirmed her strongly held belief that "males cannot be trusted"(M).
When her anger had passed the game was over... When she was able to re-activate her Adult and Parent ego states, she felt terrible for "over-reacting".
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In the above example mother was playing a Persecutor game called "Now I've Got You, You SOB!"(M) and Billy was learning a Victim game called "Kick Me"(B).
All Billy had to do was say "I did it" and his mother couldn't play her game. But the Little Professor goes on instinct since it does not yet have the wisdom of experience... the instinct for self-preservation says "stay out of harms way".
Key Point: The sudden shift in ego states by mother provides intensity which, combined with the repetition of playing the game over and over again, will burn the game instructions into a neural network that Billy will likely carry with him into his adult relationships and mate selection process.
In other words, Billy may subconsciously search out and find a partner who knows how to play "Now I've Got You, You SOB!" so he can continue to play the "Kick Me" game. It's in the courtship phase that the subconscious auditions are done -- with the use of subconscious perception.
Psychological mind games fit easily into the framework of the Drama Triangle and always include a Victim, Rescuer, and/or Persecutor. They may be played with mild, moderate or severe intensity.
Check out the common relationship mind games to explore further.
http://www.internet-of-the-mind.com/psychological_mind_games.html
Well, I think that stated a mouthful. At this time, I have to mention. I did get some feed back. Comments that I heard before. The samantics. In a way, Linguistic development. Which most poeple have heard before in there own lives. Grow up, shut up , your being retarded. Or some other form undermining. It's to be expected. Of course, I take it and view it as. Any comment that is negative or has a negative passive undertone is just an reaction becasue they know that I am in the right.
I also, did some recon about mental schemas. This was pretty insightful but yet, does not really apply to me.
Subjugation
This schema refers to the belief that one must submit to the control of others in order to avoid negative consequences. Often these clients fear that, unless they submit, others will get angry or reject them. Clients who subjugate ignore their own desires and feelings. In childhood there was generally a very controlling parent.
Self-Sacrifice
This schema refers to the excessive sacrifice of one's own needs in order to help others. When these clients pay attention to their own needs, they often feel guilty. To avoid this guilt, they put others' needs ahead of their own. Often people whom self-sacrifice gain a feeling of increased self-esteem or a sense of meaning from helping others. In childhood the person may have been made to feel overly responsible for the well being of one or both parents.
http://www.cognitivetherapy.me.uk/schema_therapy.htm
http://www.lucreid.com/?p=2331
The reason why these do not work out in my theroy. Number one, I was right. Mother dearest 2.0 was holding something back. Cliff and John were hiding something too. Number two. I summited myself into that propaganda. I gave up that control, knowing there would be negative bullshit and backlash. The truth was, I did sacrifice. I did it more then enough. Not to mention, I didn't want to be overall right. I just wanted to be correct about Cliff and John. Putting that all aside. I was accurate about everything. I do feel guilty that it had to come to something like this. In the matter of speaking. My low rent eloquent phrases and the preponderance of these intentional head games has placed me on the edge of my humanity.
Why would anyone do such a thing and place themselves in that way. For a higher consciousness? Cause they enjoyed it? Or got tried of it? Many excuses here can be used. My motive, I just wanted to hear him tell me to my face. I felt I should have gotten that much respect. Not like it was going to make me feel better but at least some closeure. As for mother dearest though. It always plauged in the back of my head, something was not right. Maybe it was the ssn number being used. Or the whole concept of school. Or that saying that rang in my head after our Thirteen minute conversation. "Well, you know..History repeats itself!" Or the many fights. Or the abuse. Etc, etc, etc.
Now, that I have opened my mouth about this. Also, how about this insanity comes into play and my mentality. I do have to show a couple of things that were left out. With in the past three years, I went threw the process of the system. My probation finally ended. In the month of march, of this year. Still trying to find a better job. Not to mention, writing this blog. Which shows patterns. Not to mention motives. I do believe that these three people have a lot more to own up too. That is my opinion. There is enough infomation to show, I am overall correct.
To say the least, I seen many tricks , friends, lovers, companions, etc. Go threw the same process. Not just with John and Cliff. With their friends too. This is way to common with most people. But there was a great difference, in this senerio. Having seen there true nature. I was not first that these two assholes have done this too. I seen it happen with many others, with my own eyes. I came to a point where I had enough. Concluding, that I was not the first but I was very well going to be the last. Not giving myself too much credit here thought. Beating up Cliff was not my intention. That was not part of my plan. I let emotions get the best of me. That was my fault. I believe I have stated this before. I was processed, judged, and served my sentence. Was that justifed? Some would say, yes. Others would say, no. That is on their own behalf. As for breaking societies rules. That is another story.
Was there a better way to go about this. No, who would listen to me. and thats where this comes into play. This would be my justice. To be able to be heard , no matter how crazy this sounds. I'm bequeathing the same common manner as did to me. Being able to talk smack about these three, only this time able to back it up.
The restraining orders. (Yes plural, more then one.) Come to my head. During this tragic event of my life. I had a Temporary restraining order placed on me by the police department. Which was signed by Cliff. As I stayed in jail. Within the two weeks time. I had to go to court to finalize that restraining order. Oh how I remember that allotment. To shorten this. I had to go to the family court. Just sitting there alone, hand cuffed. Waitng. Scraping my finger nails under the table that was in front of me. The empty court room stood quite expect for the police officers that were in the room. Cliff came in. I made every attempt to not look at him.
I wanted to jump out of that chair so bad and suffocate him. Instead, I sat there quite and looked at the judges chair. This document was processed rather quickly and explained. With all honesty, I really didn't give a flying fuck. As long as he stayed far away from me. I was happy. After the document was pushed threw. I was told to stay seated. Cliff was told to leave first. Without any warning, he walked over to me and was trying to resure me that everything was going to be okay. That my bills would be taken care of and that my car and my cutie of a chubby tabby cat, Snickers would be okay.I jumpped back from him so fast that I was from one end of the table to the other in a slpit second. This happened right in front of the judge and the two police officers. My heart was pounding out of my very own skin . Now worried about, what would happen to the belonging that were left behind. What he had acess too. There was that paranoia again.
Here's the another kicker. I beat the shit out of this guy, because of the many issues. The many problems he put me threw. I became uncivilized and was punished for it. I beat this man who was older and stronger then me. In the middle of the afternoon. In front of the many neighbors at his complex. Yet, I had to place a restraining order back on him. YES!!! HELLO!!!
First of all. For those haven't placed a restraining order in the great state of New Jersey. If someone places an order on another person. The person who placed it can still contact the other one but that party can not contact the one who placed the restraining document. A peice of infomation which I think is valueable to anyone. Most people think that a restraining order goes both ways. It does not. I had to go back to family court and place one back out on Cliff. How he contacted me was by e-mail. The first time, telling me that I had mail still coming to his place.
WHAT THE FUCK! I mean are people that dumb or subconsciously did he want me to respond. Really. I felt that he was trying to find out where I was at. Give it back to the fucking post office and tell them I don't live there anymore. I was so petrified that he would find me. Being that two people took a chance on me, and bailed me out. Now, I had to worry that my drama would be coming and affect these people as well. At that period, I was so scared. Not of him but I was afraid that he did find me. And approuched me. I would have finished what I had started, this time endding his extistance. Losing my myself completely and letting some primimal force take over.
I didn't respond to that email. I just saved it. Then try to move on. Maybe it was just me and I was looking to deep into it. Of course, was not going to give him a benefit of a doubt. I considered changing the screen name. Then I started to realize that by doing this I was cutting myself off. I could have made a new name but that premise bother me . What was next? Hide underneath a rock. I was stuck in New jersey by law for awhile. So there really wasn't much that I could do.
I just had to suck it up. Just deal and hope that was the last e-mail. I was wrong. He contacted me again. This time to say, Happy Birthday. When I got that e-mail, I collapse again. This man scared me so much. Cause him, just like my mother could bring out the worst in me. Looking back, throwing the restraining order back on him. Suffering the hyperventing, evevry time I though he might find me. Threw people or friends. Parties. My Anxiety threw the roof. Jumping up, when hearing the slightest noise. Having knives and other weaponry by my bedside. You know, just in case.
My paranoia was amplified, highten to hypervilgency which I felt I could not get a grasp on. Having mininal support, because others did not know what to do, or did not want to get involve. I attempted anything and everything to get few bits of help. Help lines. Joining programs and expermentations for disorders. Going to medical behavior centers. Hospitals, clinics. I was a hot crazy mess. Actually, just a crazy mess. There is that low self esteem again. Actually, still a crazy mess. Just a bit more tolerable.
After seeing all those doctors, going threw all this process. I think I could honestly say, that therpy and going to get treatment was not going to overall help. I was going to have to do this by myself. Doesn't help either that I couldn't afford medical, with recession going on. To boot being in a catch 22 situation. Please read blog, "Catch 22." I understand I was acting out in a way that society would see as abnormal. Give me some kudos though, at least I could recognize that. If someone can say that to themselves, recognize and believe that. Then they have some hope. Remember the old saying. "Real crazy people don't know that there crazy!"
Not saying, I am the sanest person in the room either, but if I can amitt that, know that, and feel that. Even accept it. I'm a lot better off then most. The truth about normalcy, in my opinion is pretty simple. Is to show one persona for one enivorment or atmostphere. Then another, at another time. I touched this subject before about the work persona and the home persona. It's basic Pych 101 really. We all know this. It's how we are to maintain a social acceptance. Sometimes I feel its like being in the "CLOSET" again.
Forbid that if we show are true overall selves. Inner Freak and all. There are just some things that we as people keep behind close doors or in the cloest. Which people love to find out and use for there own benefit. Better to do that, then to think of their own bullshit. Now I'm sounding crazy again. Oh shit! Wait a minute! TOO LATE! Anticipated it too much. Hey, I would rather overthink everything. then not consider it. At least then, I feel better knowing that I tried and made sure to not leave any stone unturned. A last I do have to leave my qoute. Something that I now say and know it holds true. At least, I think! (Smile) "You have to be a strong man to stand next to me...A strong minded man!"
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
"Medical Records Volume One " / Voicing Accusations
Juvenile delinquency
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Juvenile delinquency refers to abnormal social or legal behavior by children or adolescents, for dealing with juveniles, such as juvenile detention centers. There are a multitude of different theories on the causes of crime, most if not all of which can be applied to the causes of youth crime.
A Juvenile Delinquent is one who repeatedly commits crime. These juvenile delinquents sometimes have mental disorders/behavioral issues such as post traumatic stress disorder or bipolar disorder, and are sometimes diagnosed with conduct disorder[1] partially as a result of their delinquent behaviors.
Contents
1 Juvenile sex crimes
2 Social disorganization
3 Differential association
4 Labeling
5 Male phenomenon
6 Risk factors
6.1 Individual risk factors
6.2 Mental disorders
6.3 Family environment
6.4 Prevention
7 Societal consequences
Juvenile sex crimes
Minor commit sexual crimes refer to individuals adjudicated in a criminal court for a sexual crimes are defined as sexually abusive behavior committed by a person under the age of 18 that is perpetrated “against the victim’s will, without consent, and in an aggressive, exploitative, manipulative, or threatening manner."
Examining prevalence data and the characteristics of juvenile sex offenders is a fundamental component to obtain a precise understanding of this heterogeneous group. With mandatory reporting laws in place, it became a necessity for providers to report any incidents of disclosed sexual abuse.
Social disorganization
Current positivist approaches generally focus on the culture. A type of criminological theory attributing variation in crime and delinquency over time and among territories to the absence or breakdown of communal institutions (e.g. family, school, church and social groups.) and communal relationships that traditionally encouraged cooperative relationships among people.
Merton's suggests five adaptations to this dilemma:
1.Innovation: individuals who accept socially approved goals, but not necessarily the socially approved means.
2.Retreatism: those who reject socially approved goals and the means for acquiring them.
3.Ritualism: those who buy into a system of socially approved means, but lose sight of the goals. Merton believed that drug users are in this category.
4.Conformity: those who conform to the system's means and goals.
5.Rebellion: people who negate socially approved goals and means by creating a new system of acceptable goals and means.
A difficulty with strain theory is that it does not explore why children of low-income families would have poor educational attainment in the first place. More importantly is the fact that much youth crime does not have an economic motivation. Strain theory fails to explain violent crime, the type of youth crime which causes most anxiety to the public.
Differential association
The theory of Differential association also deals with young people in a group context, and looks at how peer pressure and the existence of gangs could lead them into crime. It suggests young people are motivated to commit crimes by delinquent peers, and learn criminal skills from them. The diminished influence of peers after men marry has also been cited as a factor in desisting from offending. There is strong evidence that young people with criminal friends are more likely to commit crimes themselves[citation needed]. However it may be the case that offenders prefer to associate with one another, rather than delinquent peers causing someone to start offending. Furthermore there is the question of how the delinquent peer group became delinquent initially.
Labeling
Labeling theory states that once young people have been labelled as criminal they are more likely to offend. (Eadie & Morley: 2003 p. 552) The idea is that once labelled as deviant a young person may accept that role, and be more likely to associate with others who have been similarly labelled. (Eadie & Morley: 2003 p. 552) Labelling theorists say that male children from poor families are more likely to be labelled deviant, and that this may partially explain why there are more lower-class young male offenders.(Walklate: 2003 p. 24)
Male phenomenon
Youth crime is disproportionately male: theorists and others have examined why this is the case. One suggestion is that ideas of masculinity may make young men more likely to offend. Being tough and reckless may be a way young men attempt to express their masculinity. Acting out these ideals may make young men more likely to engage in antisocial and criminal behaviour. Alternatively, rather than young men acting as they do because of societal pressure to conform to masculine ideals; young men may actually be naturally more aggressive, daring etc. As well as biological or psychological factors, the way young men are treated by their parents may make them more susceptible to offending. According to a study, adolescent males who possess a certain type of variation in a specific gene are more likely to flock to delinquent peers.
Risk factors
Individual risk factorsIndividual psychological or behavioural risk factors that may make offending more likely include intelligence, impulsiveness or the inability to delay gratification, aggression, empathy, and restlessness. (Farrington: 2002) Children with low intelligence are likely to do worse in school. This may increase the chances of offending because low educational attainment, a low attachment to school, and low educational aspirations are all risk factors for offending in themselves. (Walklate: 2003 p. 2) Children who perform poorly at school are also more likely to truant, which is also linked to offending. (Farrington: 2002 p. 682) If strain theory or subcultural theory are valid poor educational attainment could lead to crime as children were unable to attain wealth and status legally. However it must be born in mind that defining and measuring intelligence is troublesome. Young males are especially likely to be impulsive which could mean they disregard the long-term consequences of their actions, have a lack of self-control, and are unable to postpone immediate gratification.
Mental disorders
Conduct disorder usually develops during childhood and manifests itself during an adolescence life. Some juvenile behavior is attributed to the diagnosable disorder known as conduct disorder. Juvenile delinquents who have recurring encounters with the criminal justice system are sometimes diagnosed with conduct disorders because they show a continuous disregard for their own and others safety and property. Once the juvenile continues to exhibit the same behavioral patterns and turns eighteen he is then at risk of being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and much more prone to become a serious criminal offender. One of the main components used in diagnosing an adult with antisocial personality disorder consists of presenting documented history of conduct disorder before the age of 15. These two personality disorders are analogous in their erratic and aggressive behavior. This is why habitual juvenile offenders diagnosed with conduct disorder are likely to exhibit signs of antisocial personality disorder as they mature. Once the juveniles reach maturation their socially unacceptable behavior has grown into a life style and they develop into career criminals. "Career criminals begin committing antisocial behavior before entering grade school and are versatile in that they engage in an array of destructive behaviors, offend at exceedingly high rates, and are less likely to quit committing crime as they age.
Family environment
Family factors which may have an influence on offending include; the level of parental supervision, the way parents discipline a child, parental conflict or separation, criminal parents or siblings, and the quality of the parent-child relationship Children brought up by lone parents are more likely to start offending than those who live with two natural parents, however once the attachment a child feels towards their parent(s) and the level of parental supervision are taken into account, children in single parent families are no more likely to offend than others. Conflict between a child's parents is also much more closely linked to offending than being raised by a lone parent. If a child has low parental supervision they are much more likely to offend. Many studies have found a strong correlation between a lack of supervision and offending, and it appears to be the most important family influence on offending.When parents commonly do not know where their children are, what their activities are, or who their friends are, children are more likely to truant from school and have delinquent friends, each of which are linked to offending. A lack of supervision is connected to poor relationships between children and parents, as children who are often in conflict with their parents may be less willing to discuss their activities with them. Children with a weak attachment to their parents are more likely to offend.
Prevention Delinquency
Prevention is the broad term for all efforts aimed at preventing youth from becoming involved in criminal, or other antisocial, activity. Increasingly, governments are recognizing the importance of allocating resources for the prevention of delinquency. Because it is often difficult for states to provide the fiscal resources necessary for good prevention, organizations, communities, and governments are working more in collaboration with each other to prevent juvenile delinquency.
With the development of delinquency in youth being influenced by numerous factors, prevention efforts are comprehensive in scope. Prevention services include activities such as substance abuse education and treatment, family counseling, youth mentoring, parenting education, educational support, and youth sheltering.
- Reductionism - e.g. over-simplifying complex experiences and circumstances by converting them to simple quantities, relying on a psychosocial focus whilst neglecting potential socio-structural and political influences;
- Determinism - e.g. characterizing young people as passive victims of risk experiences with no ability to construct, negotiate or resist risk;
- Imputation - e.g. assuming that risk factors and definitions of offending are homogeneous across countries and cultures, assuming that statistical correlations between risk factors and offending actually represent causal relationships, assuming that risk factors apply to individuals on the basis of aggregated data.
Societal consequences
Once the juvenile offender reaches maturation he or she is likely to continue exhibiting maladaptive behaviors and increases his risk of being cycled through the criminal justice system as an adult offender. Due to the small population of habitual adult and juvenile offenders attributing for the large percentage of violent crimes (i.e. murder and aggravated assault) the criminal justice system should supervise the small population of career criminals in an effort to prevent the spawning of serious violent offenders. If mental disorders such as conduct disorder go undiagnosed and untreated the juvenile offender has the increased potential to later develop antisocial personality disorder and continue his life as a career criminal. The majority of violent offenders exhibit characteristics of antisocial personality disorder and exhibit it no later than age 15. Antisocial personality disorder is a common diagnosis for a serial killer. Authors Alvarez and Bachman found that one similarity among serial killers was their prior criminal convictions. In this case conduct disorder can become a probable constituent to serial murder if not diagnosed and treated before it fully develops in adulthood as antisocial personality disorder. Both conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder are categorized as personality disorders under the DSM-IV-TR and share extremely similar definitions as explained above in 'Mental Disorders'. Some of the common characteristics include consistent violation of societal norms, aggressive behavior towards people,and a disassociation to the emotion of empathy. These traits are also common amongst serial killers and if the maladaptive behaviors are not treated they have the potential to conceive a person that fantasizes about killing several victims and then fulfills their impulsivity when they are no longer capable of suppressing it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juvenile_delinquency#Societal_consequences
Above is the definition for Juvenile delinquency. Not saying I wasn't one. It's the extreme matter that comes to thought. If I was this mental case. It would have been foreseen. Like in the paperwork that is applied at the bottom of this blog. Also, I would have exhibited these behaviors afterwards, through my adult years. Going through the criminal justice system, over and over again. Remember, I still went to work, volenteered, applied myself to social groups and going to other hospitals or medical centers for help. I pushed myself to make tons of efford, with little result.
Recently, I got an e-mail from someone that read the blog and said they understood. They also mention, I condem myself for issues that were beyond my control. Taking the blame for other peoples responsibilities. I wrote back, telling him. I am to blame cause I gave those beings in my life that control. It's the reason why I am so hard on myself. Why I let those people drive me to the edge of my sanity. I wanted to let it go, but it wasn't about that. It was about them letting go. Which was not going to happen.
Accusations and Excuses
I stayed slient, because I did not see the croruption that surrounded me. Being naive at the time, but still not a full excuse. I always heard people talk game, gossip, rumors. Which as anyone would know, sometimes has a ripple effect. My mother and the two others. Cliff and John were no different. No one wanted to believe me because I was labeled the trouble maker. After while of having this reputation for so many years, I started to see where it was coming from. We all like to ask about the latest gossip, but do not ask where it's coming from. Most of all, are they a reliable source.
A women who knew of my situation, a co worker. Advised, that I should write an angry memoir. This was around the time when I was living at Countryside. Working at the Home depot as a cashier. In Edison Nj. The idea. The seed. Hence my sinster plan! Whoa! The plot thickens. That would be a saracastic undertone. Everytime, I reminisce about my mother, that phone call. All our problems, not to mention using my ssn number. The info that Cliff knew. It made no sense to me, at that time. I could not go back to her. She kept running her mouth to anyone. Since I knew Cliff and John so well, pasted experience. Them being messes themselves. It would not be hard to get a confession out of them. At least, so I thought.
I had to do something, so I took the co workers idea. I would write a book about my issues. Just two or three dud copies. Showing my experiences. Using name's as Broadway, aka Hollywood aka John Halm. I called it, Fast Forward Faggot. Pathic but I found it funny. LOL. The plan was to go back to Cliff, which was what he wanted. He was at my apartment most of the time. When his deed was done, he would leave. Why would anyone keep this going? He was all I had at the time. I did love him. Not to mention, he was there at the times when my family was not. I could not get past that Betrayal though. I could not get past his lies, the paraniod game( mutter something under your breath so the other person could barely here you. Mind games.)His other flings, with John. Not to mention the the cars that were, "FIXED." Also, the Roxy issue.So I moved back in with him. Sleeping in the guest bedroom/office. I seprate myself from him, but kept a close watch. Playing a head game till he cofessed to the roxy issue. I printed up copies, and placed them under the cheap walmart shelf system. Also, another false draft on his computer.
There was no intention to harm Cliff. None whatsoever, just to get him to confess. Having the motto from cruel intentions. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!" Always trying to be two steps ahead. Not to mention, to see how much infomation mother had told them. This was exhausting. Always showing this false appearance. Working two full time jobs, security guard and the delivery job. Going to school part time. Lincoln tech. Not to mention, going out to the club Roxy. To spark up what happen that New years. It wasn't what happen that night that bothered me, ticked me off. Yes. It was everything that was in between. There was even the time, Cliff and I went to the Roxy for the holloween party, I went as some dumbass angel and him a werewolf. We even had our picture taken for HX mag or was it Next. Anyway, I brought Cliff back up to the balcony where it went down. Turned to him, got close and whispered. "Remember this SPOT?" he looked into my eyes with a panic and walked away.
Now, that I look back at that moment. I should have pushed him off the balcony. Whatever. In my opinion, my mother did have something to do with this. For her reasons, well look at the records down below. She bad mouth me as much as she could to get Respect. Blackballed here. Or it was 90's Tough LOVE. Someone took tough love a little too far. Why? Well, control and power. Does anybody think that she was really going to tell me that I was adopted. This was her way of leverage over me. I would had to come back sooner or later.
Another issue, the many Accusations. So here is 50,000.00 question. If what these three people have to say is true. Why didn't they do anything before. They took it for granted and though it was going to go away. It's easier taking advantage of the naive one, then it was for them to take the blame for themselves. So as a lesson here, before anyone can talk smack. Make sure you have some reasonable doubt behind it. Some proof. Suffer some Symptoms from a tramatic events. I had mine, why can't they be that forward? Do I smell bullshit? Reputations are at stake and no one wants a scandal . Also, here is another question. Why am I so convicted on doing this. Answer. Cause my life and sanity were at stake. And that is a fact, which is proven right here. I put this on myself. I made a choice, to take the ugly truth. Instead of the fabricated lie. You see, I made a ultimatum here. Either they tell the truth about themselves or I will do it for them. By showing what has happen to me. Fact of the matter. They will never be this truthful with out using some excuse.
Freehold Centra State
I really can't say much about that hospital records. I think when someone looks over them. They will see what I mean. All that bullshit from that past. Blaming myself for what happend. Knowing I was driving my family away. My sister tell me that they were leaving me behind. That just set things motion, like a ticking time bomb ready to go off. It was the summer of 2000. Working two part time jobs, at a local supermarket and the burger king right out in front of the friendship shopping plaza in howell nj. My last year of high school coming up.
When this incident happend, I just got home. Found a letter, taped to my bedroom door. Written from my mother damanding money for rent. It was suppose to teach responablity. Which didn't mind that but what made me crack, was the way she said it. I could go on more about this but I will not. The bomb went off. My anger got the best of me. I flipped. Kicking in a grandmother clock window. Throwing a dinning room chair threw the window the front. Another chair threw the kitchen/dinning room window in the back. The rage was boiling threw me, till I saw I was bleeding. I had puncture my left ankle.
I could go on more, how I was singing, and laughing inappropriately like a child. "Do you think your better off alone, do you think your better off alone!" Being rushed into the ER. Everything was a daze, so many emotions all at once. This was not me at all. This nightmare, was a new beginng for my adult years. Something that I don't want to remember. The paperwork anyone can see when I came in, how I was treated. What was in my system, which was nothing. But last, how I was dischraged. Abrasions/Muitiple Stress.
To be honest with anyone right now. This is getting harder and harder for me to write. Reliving all these issues, and the reasons why and what I thought I was to blame for. Taking this label, and embracing it but never dealing with it fully. The label of being trouble maker, a Juvenile Delinquent, a whore, etc. etc. etc. These stigmas are what poeple used. The insecurities. Which majority of people pry on. Once someone embraces these labels, forced to take it. It's easier to place the blame on that person. Anyway, I will end this matter. I will go back to some damn qoute. It's from a TV show. Point Pleasent. "Crazy people see the truth for what it is. That's the reason why the go crazy, because they can't handle the truth!"
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Juvenile delinquency refers to abnormal social or legal behavior by children or adolescents, for dealing with juveniles, such as juvenile detention centers. There are a multitude of different theories on the causes of crime, most if not all of which can be applied to the causes of youth crime.
A Juvenile Delinquent is one who repeatedly commits crime. These juvenile delinquents sometimes have mental disorders/behavioral issues such as post traumatic stress disorder or bipolar disorder, and are sometimes diagnosed with conduct disorder[1] partially as a result of their delinquent behaviors.
Contents
1 Juvenile sex crimes
2 Social disorganization
3 Differential association
4 Labeling
5 Male phenomenon
6 Risk factors
6.1 Individual risk factors
6.2 Mental disorders
6.3 Family environment
6.4 Prevention
7 Societal consequences
Juvenile sex crimes
Minor commit sexual crimes refer to individuals adjudicated in a criminal court for a sexual crimes are defined as sexually abusive behavior committed by a person under the age of 18 that is perpetrated “against the victim’s will, without consent, and in an aggressive, exploitative, manipulative, or threatening manner."
Examining prevalence data and the characteristics of juvenile sex offenders is a fundamental component to obtain a precise understanding of this heterogeneous group. With mandatory reporting laws in place, it became a necessity for providers to report any incidents of disclosed sexual abuse.
Social disorganization
Current positivist approaches generally focus on the culture. A type of criminological theory attributing variation in crime and delinquency over time and among territories to the absence or breakdown of communal institutions (e.g. family, school, church and social groups.) and communal relationships that traditionally encouraged cooperative relationships among people.
Merton's suggests five adaptations to this dilemma:
1.Innovation: individuals who accept socially approved goals, but not necessarily the socially approved means.
2.Retreatism: those who reject socially approved goals and the means for acquiring them.
3.Ritualism: those who buy into a system of socially approved means, but lose sight of the goals. Merton believed that drug users are in this category.
4.Conformity: those who conform to the system's means and goals.
5.Rebellion: people who negate socially approved goals and means by creating a new system of acceptable goals and means.
A difficulty with strain theory is that it does not explore why children of low-income families would have poor educational attainment in the first place. More importantly is the fact that much youth crime does not have an economic motivation. Strain theory fails to explain violent crime, the type of youth crime which causes most anxiety to the public.
Differential association
The theory of Differential association also deals with young people in a group context, and looks at how peer pressure and the existence of gangs could lead them into crime. It suggests young people are motivated to commit crimes by delinquent peers, and learn criminal skills from them. The diminished influence of peers after men marry has also been cited as a factor in desisting from offending. There is strong evidence that young people with criminal friends are more likely to commit crimes themselves[citation needed]. However it may be the case that offenders prefer to associate with one another, rather than delinquent peers causing someone to start offending. Furthermore there is the question of how the delinquent peer group became delinquent initially.
Labeling
Labeling theory states that once young people have been labelled as criminal they are more likely to offend. (Eadie & Morley: 2003 p. 552) The idea is that once labelled as deviant a young person may accept that role, and be more likely to associate with others who have been similarly labelled. (Eadie & Morley: 2003 p. 552) Labelling theorists say that male children from poor families are more likely to be labelled deviant, and that this may partially explain why there are more lower-class young male offenders.(Walklate: 2003 p. 24)
Male phenomenon
Youth crime is disproportionately male: theorists and others have examined why this is the case. One suggestion is that ideas of masculinity may make young men more likely to offend. Being tough and reckless may be a way young men attempt to express their masculinity. Acting out these ideals may make young men more likely to engage in antisocial and criminal behaviour. Alternatively, rather than young men acting as they do because of societal pressure to conform to masculine ideals; young men may actually be naturally more aggressive, daring etc. As well as biological or psychological factors, the way young men are treated by their parents may make them more susceptible to offending. According to a study, adolescent males who possess a certain type of variation in a specific gene are more likely to flock to delinquent peers.
Risk factors
Individual risk factorsIndividual psychological or behavioural risk factors that may make offending more likely include intelligence, impulsiveness or the inability to delay gratification, aggression, empathy, and restlessness. (Farrington: 2002) Children with low intelligence are likely to do worse in school. This may increase the chances of offending because low educational attainment, a low attachment to school, and low educational aspirations are all risk factors for offending in themselves. (Walklate: 2003 p. 2) Children who perform poorly at school are also more likely to truant, which is also linked to offending. (Farrington: 2002 p. 682) If strain theory or subcultural theory are valid poor educational attainment could lead to crime as children were unable to attain wealth and status legally. However it must be born in mind that defining and measuring intelligence is troublesome. Young males are especially likely to be impulsive which could mean they disregard the long-term consequences of their actions, have a lack of self-control, and are unable to postpone immediate gratification.
Mental disorders
Conduct disorder usually develops during childhood and manifests itself during an adolescence life. Some juvenile behavior is attributed to the diagnosable disorder known as conduct disorder. Juvenile delinquents who have recurring encounters with the criminal justice system are sometimes diagnosed with conduct disorders because they show a continuous disregard for their own and others safety and property. Once the juvenile continues to exhibit the same behavioral patterns and turns eighteen he is then at risk of being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and much more prone to become a serious criminal offender. One of the main components used in diagnosing an adult with antisocial personality disorder consists of presenting documented history of conduct disorder before the age of 15. These two personality disorders are analogous in their erratic and aggressive behavior. This is why habitual juvenile offenders diagnosed with conduct disorder are likely to exhibit signs of antisocial personality disorder as they mature. Once the juveniles reach maturation their socially unacceptable behavior has grown into a life style and they develop into career criminals. "Career criminals begin committing antisocial behavior before entering grade school and are versatile in that they engage in an array of destructive behaviors, offend at exceedingly high rates, and are less likely to quit committing crime as they age.
Family environment
Family factors which may have an influence on offending include; the level of parental supervision, the way parents discipline a child, parental conflict or separation, criminal parents or siblings, and the quality of the parent-child relationship Children brought up by lone parents are more likely to start offending than those who live with two natural parents, however once the attachment a child feels towards their parent(s) and the level of parental supervision are taken into account, children in single parent families are no more likely to offend than others. Conflict between a child's parents is also much more closely linked to offending than being raised by a lone parent. If a child has low parental supervision they are much more likely to offend. Many studies have found a strong correlation between a lack of supervision and offending, and it appears to be the most important family influence on offending.When parents commonly do not know where their children are, what their activities are, or who their friends are, children are more likely to truant from school and have delinquent friends, each of which are linked to offending. A lack of supervision is connected to poor relationships between children and parents, as children who are often in conflict with their parents may be less willing to discuss their activities with them. Children with a weak attachment to their parents are more likely to offend.
Prevention Delinquency
Prevention is the broad term for all efforts aimed at preventing youth from becoming involved in criminal, or other antisocial, activity. Increasingly, governments are recognizing the importance of allocating resources for the prevention of delinquency. Because it is often difficult for states to provide the fiscal resources necessary for good prevention, organizations, communities, and governments are working more in collaboration with each other to prevent juvenile delinquency.
With the development of delinquency in youth being influenced by numerous factors, prevention efforts are comprehensive in scope. Prevention services include activities such as substance abuse education and treatment, family counseling, youth mentoring, parenting education, educational support, and youth sheltering.
- Reductionism - e.g. over-simplifying complex experiences and circumstances by converting them to simple quantities, relying on a psychosocial focus whilst neglecting potential socio-structural and political influences;
- Determinism - e.g. characterizing young people as passive victims of risk experiences with no ability to construct, negotiate or resist risk;
- Imputation - e.g. assuming that risk factors and definitions of offending are homogeneous across countries and cultures, assuming that statistical correlations between risk factors and offending actually represent causal relationships, assuming that risk factors apply to individuals on the basis of aggregated data.
Societal consequences
Once the juvenile offender reaches maturation he or she is likely to continue exhibiting maladaptive behaviors and increases his risk of being cycled through the criminal justice system as an adult offender. Due to the small population of habitual adult and juvenile offenders attributing for the large percentage of violent crimes (i.e. murder and aggravated assault) the criminal justice system should supervise the small population of career criminals in an effort to prevent the spawning of serious violent offenders. If mental disorders such as conduct disorder go undiagnosed and untreated the juvenile offender has the increased potential to later develop antisocial personality disorder and continue his life as a career criminal. The majority of violent offenders exhibit characteristics of antisocial personality disorder and exhibit it no later than age 15. Antisocial personality disorder is a common diagnosis for a serial killer. Authors Alvarez and Bachman found that one similarity among serial killers was their prior criminal convictions. In this case conduct disorder can become a probable constituent to serial murder if not diagnosed and treated before it fully develops in adulthood as antisocial personality disorder. Both conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder are categorized as personality disorders under the DSM-IV-TR and share extremely similar definitions as explained above in 'Mental Disorders'. Some of the common characteristics include consistent violation of societal norms, aggressive behavior towards people,and a disassociation to the emotion of empathy. These traits are also common amongst serial killers and if the maladaptive behaviors are not treated they have the potential to conceive a person that fantasizes about killing several victims and then fulfills their impulsivity when they are no longer capable of suppressing it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juvenile_delinquency#Societal_consequences
Above is the definition for Juvenile delinquency. Not saying I wasn't one. It's the extreme matter that comes to thought. If I was this mental case. It would have been foreseen. Like in the paperwork that is applied at the bottom of this blog. Also, I would have exhibited these behaviors afterwards, through my adult years. Going through the criminal justice system, over and over again. Remember, I still went to work, volenteered, applied myself to social groups and going to other hospitals or medical centers for help. I pushed myself to make tons of efford, with little result.
Recently, I got an e-mail from someone that read the blog and said they understood. They also mention, I condem myself for issues that were beyond my control. Taking the blame for other peoples responsibilities. I wrote back, telling him. I am to blame cause I gave those beings in my life that control. It's the reason why I am so hard on myself. Why I let those people drive me to the edge of my sanity. I wanted to let it go, but it wasn't about that. It was about them letting go. Which was not going to happen.
Accusations and Excuses
I stayed slient, because I did not see the croruption that surrounded me. Being naive at the time, but still not a full excuse. I always heard people talk game, gossip, rumors. Which as anyone would know, sometimes has a ripple effect. My mother and the two others. Cliff and John were no different. No one wanted to believe me because I was labeled the trouble maker. After while of having this reputation for so many years, I started to see where it was coming from. We all like to ask about the latest gossip, but do not ask where it's coming from. Most of all, are they a reliable source.
A women who knew of my situation, a co worker. Advised, that I should write an angry memoir. This was around the time when I was living at Countryside. Working at the Home depot as a cashier. In Edison Nj. The idea. The seed. Hence my sinster plan! Whoa! The plot thickens. That would be a saracastic undertone. Everytime, I reminisce about my mother, that phone call. All our problems, not to mention using my ssn number. The info that Cliff knew. It made no sense to me, at that time. I could not go back to her. She kept running her mouth to anyone. Since I knew Cliff and John so well, pasted experience. Them being messes themselves. It would not be hard to get a confession out of them. At least, so I thought.
I had to do something, so I took the co workers idea. I would write a book about my issues. Just two or three dud copies. Showing my experiences. Using name's as Broadway, aka Hollywood aka John Halm. I called it, Fast Forward Faggot. Pathic but I found it funny. LOL. The plan was to go back to Cliff, which was what he wanted. He was at my apartment most of the time. When his deed was done, he would leave. Why would anyone keep this going? He was all I had at the time. I did love him. Not to mention, he was there at the times when my family was not. I could not get past that Betrayal though. I could not get past his lies, the paraniod game( mutter something under your breath so the other person could barely here you. Mind games.)His other flings, with John. Not to mention the the cars that were, "FIXED." Also, the Roxy issue.So I moved back in with him. Sleeping in the guest bedroom/office. I seprate myself from him, but kept a close watch. Playing a head game till he cofessed to the roxy issue. I printed up copies, and placed them under the cheap walmart shelf system. Also, another false draft on his computer.
There was no intention to harm Cliff. None whatsoever, just to get him to confess. Having the motto from cruel intentions. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!" Always trying to be two steps ahead. Not to mention, to see how much infomation mother had told them. This was exhausting. Always showing this false appearance. Working two full time jobs, security guard and the delivery job. Going to school part time. Lincoln tech. Not to mention, going out to the club Roxy. To spark up what happen that New years. It wasn't what happen that night that bothered me, ticked me off. Yes. It was everything that was in between. There was even the time, Cliff and I went to the Roxy for the holloween party, I went as some dumbass angel and him a werewolf. We even had our picture taken for HX mag or was it Next. Anyway, I brought Cliff back up to the balcony where it went down. Turned to him, got close and whispered. "Remember this SPOT?" he looked into my eyes with a panic and walked away.
Now, that I look back at that moment. I should have pushed him off the balcony. Whatever. In my opinion, my mother did have something to do with this. For her reasons, well look at the records down below. She bad mouth me as much as she could to get Respect. Blackballed here. Or it was 90's Tough LOVE. Someone took tough love a little too far. Why? Well, control and power. Does anybody think that she was really going to tell me that I was adopted. This was her way of leverage over me. I would had to come back sooner or later.
Another issue, the many Accusations. So here is 50,000.00 question. If what these three people have to say is true. Why didn't they do anything before. They took it for granted and though it was going to go away. It's easier taking advantage of the naive one, then it was for them to take the blame for themselves. So as a lesson here, before anyone can talk smack. Make sure you have some reasonable doubt behind it. Some proof. Suffer some Symptoms from a tramatic events. I had mine, why can't they be that forward? Do I smell bullshit? Reputations are at stake and no one wants a scandal . Also, here is another question. Why am I so convicted on doing this. Answer. Cause my life and sanity were at stake. And that is a fact, which is proven right here. I put this on myself. I made a choice, to take the ugly truth. Instead of the fabricated lie. You see, I made a ultimatum here. Either they tell the truth about themselves or I will do it for them. By showing what has happen to me. Fact of the matter. They will never be this truthful with out using some excuse.
Freehold Centra State
I really can't say much about that hospital records. I think when someone looks over them. They will see what I mean. All that bullshit from that past. Blaming myself for what happend. Knowing I was driving my family away. My sister tell me that they were leaving me behind. That just set things motion, like a ticking time bomb ready to go off. It was the summer of 2000. Working two part time jobs, at a local supermarket and the burger king right out in front of the friendship shopping plaza in howell nj. My last year of high school coming up.
When this incident happend, I just got home. Found a letter, taped to my bedroom door. Written from my mother damanding money for rent. It was suppose to teach responablity. Which didn't mind that but what made me crack, was the way she said it. I could go on more about this but I will not. The bomb went off. My anger got the best of me. I flipped. Kicking in a grandmother clock window. Throwing a dinning room chair threw the window the front. Another chair threw the kitchen/dinning room window in the back. The rage was boiling threw me, till I saw I was bleeding. I had puncture my left ankle.
I could go on more, how I was singing, and laughing inappropriately like a child. "Do you think your better off alone, do you think your better off alone!" Being rushed into the ER. Everything was a daze, so many emotions all at once. This was not me at all. This nightmare, was a new beginng for my adult years. Something that I don't want to remember. The paperwork anyone can see when I came in, how I was treated. What was in my system, which was nothing. But last, how I was dischraged. Abrasions/Muitiple Stress.
To be honest with anyone right now. This is getting harder and harder for me to write. Reliving all these issues, and the reasons why and what I thought I was to blame for. Taking this label, and embracing it but never dealing with it fully. The label of being trouble maker, a Juvenile Delinquent, a whore, etc. etc. etc. These stigmas are what poeple used. The insecurities. Which majority of people pry on. Once someone embraces these labels, forced to take it. It's easier to place the blame on that person. Anyway, I will end this matter. I will go back to some damn qoute. It's from a TV show. Point Pleasent. "Crazy people see the truth for what it is. That's the reason why the go crazy, because they can't handle the truth!"
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Schooling Records / Trashy Formulas
I have been concentrating all my energy on bartending school. FYI, I got and 85% on my written exam and a 19 out of 21 out of my pour test. Happy? Yes. It's not much but at least I have something under my belt. Back to the main objective, this blog. I always have a qoute to begin or end these blogs. Some doctrine that I got from philosophers, films, culture. ETC. ETC. ETC. This quote comes from, Dolores Claiborne. A movie that I don't compare myself to. I asked for a copy of this book at my abhorrent halt at middlesex county adult correction center. We will get more into my stay later. Ridiculous as it may sound, someone got me a copy. The cover torned off but still in good condition. I was looking for this specific entity. " Sometimes you have to be a high ridding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a women has to hold onto!" Last time, I checked. I still had a dick. So as I do with most qoutes and comments. I take it. Let it work for me, and leave the rest behind. "Sometimes you have to be a high ridding bitch to surive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a cocksucker has to hold onto!" Thank you, Stephen King. Thank you.
First, of all. I said something about a plan. Which was to get these three people to put there foot in there mouths. Also, knowing that Cliff, John, and my mother. Would not take it to court. They had there chance before. Even with the last blog. They could have sued. It's been over three years now. I'm going to post the transcript from Howell township court. From the first time, I had the mental break at my parents place. I had to take the charges for my responsibility but the factor that gets to me. Is it went to Monmouth County Superior Court, first! Then got knocked down to Howell township court. Which my mother never even showed up for. A waste of tax payers money, in my personal opinion. I had to take a guilty plea for criminal mischief and breach of peace. I heard the excuse before that "someone" felt sorry for me. That's the reason why they didn't press charges. HELLO, CHARGES WERE ALREADY PRESSED. By the state and township.
Anyway, If this was true. Don't you think someone would have been by my bed side at the many hospitals. Make a genuine attempt to be sympathic. Some sort of authentic human compassion. Like I did. I guess, that was too much to ask for. BE THE BIGGER MAN, as most people told me I should be. To be honest, I didn't know what was really going on at the time. I was still naive. It not an excuse, but it is good reasoning. I took the plea and did what I had to do. Before, I go more into this drama. I'm going to imply something else that came to my realization.
SIGNS. I don't mean the movie. In which, most people saw but either didn't do anything about it, or could not do anything about. This blog here. This entry will show at least some of those signs. Not to point out actuations or to say that they are fully to blame. It just to state the obvious. I am to blame for my own naive actions in which I didn't understand or didn't want to understand. This is the groing up process in which was slowed down. Prolonged. Or even stunted. Two articles, and there web links are posted on this blog. To help prove my theroy, which is coming into question. It is, what it is. One student from bartending school used to say as her motto. No one can say, I'm not fucking trying.
Emotional Trauma and Memory Loss
Emotional or psychological trauma can also affect your memory. Memory loss is a natural survival skill and defense mechanism humans develop to protect themselves from psychological damage. Violence, sexual abuse and other emotionally traumatic events can lead to dissociative amnesia, which helps a person cope by allowing them to temporarily forget details of the event. A person will often suppress memories of a traumatic event until they are ready to handle them, which may never occur.
Emotional trauma can also lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, which can manifest itself in different ways including flashbacks of the event and intrusive, unwanted thoughts about the trauma.
To read the whole article, here is the web address.
http://www.casapalmera.com/articles/how-trauma-affects-your-memory/
Effects on Middle and High School Students
These students exposed to a traumatic event feel self-conscious about their emotional responses to the event. They often experience feelings of shame and guilt about the traumatic event and may express fantasies about revenge and retribution. A traumatic event for adolescents may foster a radical shift in the way these students think about the world. Some of these adolescents may begin to engage in self-destructive or accident-prone behaviors, and reckless behaviors. There may be a shift in their interpersonal relationships with family members, teachers, and classmates. These students may show a change in their school performance, attendance, and behavior.
Variations among Students
In spite of our ability to predict general responses to trauma depending on age and developmental level, there is still tremendous variability among students regarding post-traumatic symptoms and the extent to which learning and school behavior may be disrupted. The variety of individual responses to trauma is related to many factors, including a student?s prior history of trauma or loss, prior or current mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or behavior problems, and individual differences in temperament.
Effects of Trauma on the Ability to Learn
A traumatic event can seriously interrupt the school routine and the processes of teaching and learning. There are usually high levels of emotional upset, potential for disruptive behavior, or loss of student attendance unless efforts are made to reach out to students and staff with additional information and services. Students traumatized by exposure to violence have been shown to have lower grade point averages, more negative remarks in their cumulative records, and more reported absences from school than other students. They may have increased difficulties concentrating and learning at school and may engage in unusually reckless or aggressive behavior. Click here for a vignette on the way a single event affected three students differently.
The involvement of the school is critical in supporting students through the emotional and physical challenges they may face following an exposure to a traumatic event. Click here for information on Readiness, Response, and Recovery.
To read the whole artricle, go to this web address.
http://www.nctsnet.org/resources/audiences/school-personnel/effects-of-trauma
For school records, I will be posting my education. Elementary, Middle, and High school records. Even my trade school records. Not to show what a great student I was. To indicate, the drop. From those great A's, B's, and C's to D's and F's. A parents worst nightmare to some. Here some insight that few did know and most did not.
Rose A Galvin school, I would find myself sitting on the blacktop. In the conner. The colossal metal chain link fence looming over me. Gazing out into the hectic noise filled street, during recess. Just wondering and watching. A social behavior that is common for troubled youths, such like myself. I did have my few childhood friends, here and there. I was a odd ball kid. I get into a fights. I ran away a couple times. I even set fire to a waste paper basket. Playing with matches. Yeah..I was that kid. Yes, gave my mother, her family, and anyone else something to worry about. I could even write about how many people fondled with my dick. TMI? Honey, you don't even know the half of it. Though, not pissed about that. Who gives a shit. What I am trying to imply here, is the signs. What more can I say?
When the family and I moved to Jackson Nj, started out in a new school. H.C. Johnson elementary school. Then, C.W. Goetz Middle school. As for my gardes, they were not so bad. I still ran away from this household. Gee, I wonder why? Signs were there. I can bitch and complain about when I had kids picking on me. Or the first time, I heard someone call me a fag. The many of times I had chewing gum thrown into my hair. Or when being spit upon by other kids. That was public school for you. A way to deal with life and how to grow.
The biggest sign was the radical drop when it came to high school. As I said before, high school was a bitch for anyone who has ever attended. No matter who you are. I don't blame the school system. Nor do I blame my parents or anyone else. We were all learning. Not to mention dealing with other issues in our lives. We all just had to deal with it. There were times I would find my locker cleaned out. Only my school books were there. Placed in the order that I went to class. The many whispers and not to mention remarks. When I got jumpped. (Knew it was going to happen sooner or later.) I went to work right afterwards. Well, after the cops taking the statements and then getting checked out by the doctor. Long story, short I was sent home. Even though, the walk to work was about an hour. Back and forth. I'm not trying to whine here, I'm saying. Keep going. Suck it up, mother fucker. Suck it up.
Anyone who knows this drill. Knows what I am talking about. Tredding around the school with black and blue bruises. Going to work where kids from school banged on the grocery store window and laughed. The jumping wasn't really a gay bashing but the intention was. It happens. Some silly rumor that someone said I mention. I rememeber, one day these two muscle queens came rushing into the Doley's thriftway where I worked as a cashier. A good looking couple who moved from NY to the Regency Club apartemnts. They used to come by once it awhile. The bigger one used to do some harmless flirting. When they heard, they came by. They would not leave. Another guy stared making fun of me and before I could even turn around this muscle queen ran out and scared the shit out of him. When I got off work that night. They were there to take me home. They pleaed with me to get in the car. Now, I said this before, in the old insane blog. Bravery and stupidy walk hand and hand. Here was one of those moments. I told them, "If I don't walk home and stick to my routine, they'll win!"
Nothing happend, nothing was taken to court. We ended moving to the next town over. New school again, and things died down a bit. I did have a few friends who helped. Try to get info at centers, or give me a bit of gay culture at that time. If you had not noticed already my family situation was well, going down hill. I blamed myself, for bring these problems thought. In a way, I did bring this on myself. Anyway, I could go on more but were rounding to the last two years of my high school life. At Freehold township. This is where the first mental break got really out of hand. The hospital records, I will put up later. Which I will hint, there were no drugs involed. Even though, I wish there fucking was.
After my mental fip out, I had to turn myself in to the police. Stay with friends for awhile. I had to quit both jobs that I was working because my mother told everyone about how horrible of a kid I was. Not to mention, it was taken to Monmouth County Superior Court. Everything was happening so fast. I remember a girlfriend of mine that I went to school with was there. Hence, more fucking talk. My senior year, started well. It was great. Like when, I was pulled out of middle of english class in front of everyone, to be summons by the cops. What the hell was that. Some old scared straight bullshit.
My last year of high school was pretty much sugar coated. I told people, to vote me for porm queen, instead of prom king. I showed up with my boyfriend sugar daddy...what ever anyone may want to call it. Everyone knew, my life was well going to be ... SHIT but I stayed in that bubble. Sepressing each memeory so I could live on each day. Hence the article , how trauma affects your memeory. I remember, when I walked into the bathrrom. A guy from a click that I never chatted with was taking a leak. I walked in, started to wash my hands. I felt the moment of dread, waiting for him to say something. What cunty come back will I have to say now, ran threw my head. When I was done, I heard him speak. How do you do it? Not what I was expecting. Huh? was my reply. Looking at him, I saw something different in his behavior. How do you do it? I though for a moment, my reply. I don't know, I just do.
There are alot more problems from my school years which I do not want to share, but like I said I'm writting this to show some signs. We all had are bad times. Some people are not to blame as more then others. They didn't understand at that time. Maybe the articles will help, or it might just help me cope. There were just somethings and issues I could not take the blame for. There is one thing, I can't wait to be apart of the Antidepressant taking nation, because this shit sucks.
Lets jump off this subject matter and into another. A few "Words" that most people use as a credo, to ones own self. Yet, I don't think they fully conceive. Which takes a endurance of considration. Stating these words, wanted these notions. Can make a person a HYPOCRITE. Even such a person like myself but as humans we all are. Showing one side of ourselves, and not the other. Example, your work life compared to your home life. Being one personality, and then another. Most people want Loyalty, Respect, Honesty, Trust, but forget the price that comes with it. Manipulation, Power, Control, Dishonesty. You can't have one without the other. This lies in the person, making those choices of what they are willing to Sacrifice . For what they hope will be a better outcome for themselves and what they covent and pride on.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypocrite
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/credo
With the three people that I knew so well. Here are some of there sayings that stuck. Which I made it work for me. A talent that I have become so accustom too. As general as this may sound, it still affects me till this day.
The many sayings of Cliff Mulkey
1. It's my way or the highway!
My comment, Looks like someone didn't get his way.
2.It's the truth mixed with lies.
My comment, Yeah, until you have put the truth in to action.
3. Legend in his own little mind.
My comment, Someone has been watching to much fucking "Jawbreaker". Do I look like Julie Benz to you?
4. I'm a wed lock child too. You see here in this magazine. This guy I think he my twin.
My comment, none at this point.
5.You play, you pay.
My comment. I guess this blog would be the payment.
6. Incest in all realivtive.
My comment. Guess it takes one to know one right.
7. I want my LIFE back.
My comment. I WANT MY FUCKING YOUTH BACK!
8. Give them enough rope, they hang themselves.
My comment. Well, look who's hanging now. A victim of his own white trash philosophy.
The many sayings of John Halm
1. I'm going to sue for defamation of character.
My comment, This coming from the same person that proclaims how many lawsuits he has going on. But yet, nothing ever happens.
2. I like them young, dumb, and full of cum.
My comment, A motto that Cliff like to say as well but both agreed and joked about. ( Rolling eyes )
3. I have ties to the mob.
My comment, none what so ever. ( Rolling eyes, again! )
4. He's an escort.
My comment, This coming from a man that every boyfriend he had. Was an escort. Someone should really then take a good look at himself and ask why every man he's been with, was an escort.
5. He's a troll whore. ( Meaning Me.)
My comment, He's a home wrecking, walking pharmacy, drunk, pretentious, superficial, sociopathic, faggot ass, old whore. I'm just saying.
The next few sayings are from the police statements, picture down below.
6. Q you just learned his last name now?
A yeah i did.
Q How long have you been acquainted with them?
A I've been friends with cliff since 1989, around 1990, yeah.
Q how long have you know alex?
A the same time that cliff met him. How long ago, I don't know how long it's been.
Q And he's a roommate of cliff's i take it?
A Uh, he had no place to live and cliff took him in.
Q Alright.
A. We're all friends.
My comment. Would have been nice that he told the cops that Cliff and him were fucking too. But that was info everyone knew, even me.
7. Q do you have any idea why he was doing this to clifford?
A I'm not, this kid is a, a, believe he's a con artist, a BS-er, and he's been taking advantage of cliff's good nature, and he wouldn't leave his home and he's been a disaster for a long time. Just that cliff's a nice guy, you know, but what are you going to do. Try to tell him and get rid of him. But.
My comment...Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?
8. Q Alright. Is there anything you'd like to add to this statement?
A UM, 50 YEARS IN JAIL WOULD BE NICE!
My comment..Jail for 50 years, I guess he doesn't know that jail and prison are two different things but as my Public defender said after reading this aloud to me. " What a peice of work!"
9. Accidents will happen. You should get some life insurance.
My comment, SHADY BITCH. This saying was stated. When I sat in his car with him and Cliff. As I told them about the story a few days back when my gas pedal got stuck to the floor and flew down 287, going almost 90 miles per hour. The car Cliff fixed. He was the only one who worked on my cars too. Yes cars, this was not the first time this had happened. Must be a bad auto tech.
Now, somethings I do remember from my great mother of mine. These will always stick in my head now.
The many sayings of Marliyn Blodgett
1. Never put your drink down and walk away.
My comment. Thanks for the common sense tip.
2. I been treated worst by better fucking people.
My comment .. What a great gay come back.
3.Act your AGE, not your mother fucking shoe size.
My comment, I wish these 3 people who were so influential took this peice of advice.
4. The only thing you are good for is for sex. So you better learn how to cook.
My comment, well I'm off the chart nuts. Total kinky freak in bed. I think. ( Crazy bitch sex is the best! So I heard!) I cook okay as for comfort foods and bake a lot. Rachel Gay, I like to call myself. And I'm trying to get this insane blog published. Hell that one more then what my mother though I should be doing. GOALS.. GOALS.. GOALS!!!!! Nothing like setting the bar so high.
6. Show me who your friends are and I will tell you exactly who you are.
My comment. What happens when you have no friends. Then who are you really?
I think I said a mouthful of all sayings that were so inspiring to me. Really inspiring. That would be Sarcasm again. I'm going to leave this last saying for the over all. My mother use to say this all the time. I think anyone can relate but for those three, I hope they really take this to heart.
7. First time shame on you, second time shame on me!
My comment, First time shame on me...SECOND TIME ... SHAME ON YOU!
First, of all. I said something about a plan. Which was to get these three people to put there foot in there mouths. Also, knowing that Cliff, John, and my mother. Would not take it to court. They had there chance before. Even with the last blog. They could have sued. It's been over three years now. I'm going to post the transcript from Howell township court. From the first time, I had the mental break at my parents place. I had to take the charges for my responsibility but the factor that gets to me. Is it went to Monmouth County Superior Court, first! Then got knocked down to Howell township court. Which my mother never even showed up for. A waste of tax payers money, in my personal opinion. I had to take a guilty plea for criminal mischief and breach of peace. I heard the excuse before that "someone" felt sorry for me. That's the reason why they didn't press charges. HELLO, CHARGES WERE ALREADY PRESSED. By the state and township.
Anyway, If this was true. Don't you think someone would have been by my bed side at the many hospitals. Make a genuine attempt to be sympathic. Some sort of authentic human compassion. Like I did. I guess, that was too much to ask for. BE THE BIGGER MAN, as most people told me I should be. To be honest, I didn't know what was really going on at the time. I was still naive. It not an excuse, but it is good reasoning. I took the plea and did what I had to do. Before, I go more into this drama. I'm going to imply something else that came to my realization.
SIGNS. I don't mean the movie. In which, most people saw but either didn't do anything about it, or could not do anything about. This blog here. This entry will show at least some of those signs. Not to point out actuations or to say that they are fully to blame. It just to state the obvious. I am to blame for my own naive actions in which I didn't understand or didn't want to understand. This is the groing up process in which was slowed down. Prolonged. Or even stunted. Two articles, and there web links are posted on this blog. To help prove my theroy, which is coming into question. It is, what it is. One student from bartending school used to say as her motto. No one can say, I'm not fucking trying.
Emotional Trauma and Memory Loss
Emotional or psychological trauma can also affect your memory. Memory loss is a natural survival skill and defense mechanism humans develop to protect themselves from psychological damage. Violence, sexual abuse and other emotionally traumatic events can lead to dissociative amnesia, which helps a person cope by allowing them to temporarily forget details of the event. A person will often suppress memories of a traumatic event until they are ready to handle them, which may never occur.
Emotional trauma can also lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, which can manifest itself in different ways including flashbacks of the event and intrusive, unwanted thoughts about the trauma.
To read the whole article, here is the web address.
http://www.casapalmera.com/articles/how-trauma-affects-your-memory/
Effects on Middle and High School Students
These students exposed to a traumatic event feel self-conscious about their emotional responses to the event. They often experience feelings of shame and guilt about the traumatic event and may express fantasies about revenge and retribution. A traumatic event for adolescents may foster a radical shift in the way these students think about the world. Some of these adolescents may begin to engage in self-destructive or accident-prone behaviors, and reckless behaviors. There may be a shift in their interpersonal relationships with family members, teachers, and classmates. These students may show a change in their school performance, attendance, and behavior.
Variations among Students
In spite of our ability to predict general responses to trauma depending on age and developmental level, there is still tremendous variability among students regarding post-traumatic symptoms and the extent to which learning and school behavior may be disrupted. The variety of individual responses to trauma is related to many factors, including a student?s prior history of trauma or loss, prior or current mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or behavior problems, and individual differences in temperament.
Effects of Trauma on the Ability to Learn
A traumatic event can seriously interrupt the school routine and the processes of teaching and learning. There are usually high levels of emotional upset, potential for disruptive behavior, or loss of student attendance unless efforts are made to reach out to students and staff with additional information and services. Students traumatized by exposure to violence have been shown to have lower grade point averages, more negative remarks in their cumulative records, and more reported absences from school than other students. They may have increased difficulties concentrating and learning at school and may engage in unusually reckless or aggressive behavior. Click here for a vignette on the way a single event affected three students differently.
The involvement of the school is critical in supporting students through the emotional and physical challenges they may face following an exposure to a traumatic event. Click here for information on Readiness, Response, and Recovery.
To read the whole artricle, go to this web address.
http://www.nctsnet.org/resources/audiences/school-personnel/effects-of-trauma
For school records, I will be posting my education. Elementary, Middle, and High school records. Even my trade school records. Not to show what a great student I was. To indicate, the drop. From those great A's, B's, and C's to D's and F's. A parents worst nightmare to some. Here some insight that few did know and most did not.
Rose A Galvin school, I would find myself sitting on the blacktop. In the conner. The colossal metal chain link fence looming over me. Gazing out into the hectic noise filled street, during recess. Just wondering and watching. A social behavior that is common for troubled youths, such like myself. I did have my few childhood friends, here and there. I was a odd ball kid. I get into a fights. I ran away a couple times. I even set fire to a waste paper basket. Playing with matches. Yeah..I was that kid. Yes, gave my mother, her family, and anyone else something to worry about. I could even write about how many people fondled with my dick. TMI? Honey, you don't even know the half of it. Though, not pissed about that. Who gives a shit. What I am trying to imply here, is the signs. What more can I say?
When the family and I moved to Jackson Nj, started out in a new school. H.C. Johnson elementary school. Then, C.W. Goetz Middle school. As for my gardes, they were not so bad. I still ran away from this household. Gee, I wonder why? Signs were there. I can bitch and complain about when I had kids picking on me. Or the first time, I heard someone call me a fag. The many of times I had chewing gum thrown into my hair. Or when being spit upon by other kids. That was public school for you. A way to deal with life and how to grow.
The biggest sign was the radical drop when it came to high school. As I said before, high school was a bitch for anyone who has ever attended. No matter who you are. I don't blame the school system. Nor do I blame my parents or anyone else. We were all learning. Not to mention dealing with other issues in our lives. We all just had to deal with it. There were times I would find my locker cleaned out. Only my school books were there. Placed in the order that I went to class. The many whispers and not to mention remarks. When I got jumpped. (Knew it was going to happen sooner or later.) I went to work right afterwards. Well, after the cops taking the statements and then getting checked out by the doctor. Long story, short I was sent home. Even though, the walk to work was about an hour. Back and forth. I'm not trying to whine here, I'm saying. Keep going. Suck it up, mother fucker. Suck it up.
Anyone who knows this drill. Knows what I am talking about. Tredding around the school with black and blue bruises. Going to work where kids from school banged on the grocery store window and laughed. The jumping wasn't really a gay bashing but the intention was. It happens. Some silly rumor that someone said I mention. I rememeber, one day these two muscle queens came rushing into the Doley's thriftway where I worked as a cashier. A good looking couple who moved from NY to the Regency Club apartemnts. They used to come by once it awhile. The bigger one used to do some harmless flirting. When they heard, they came by. They would not leave. Another guy stared making fun of me and before I could even turn around this muscle queen ran out and scared the shit out of him. When I got off work that night. They were there to take me home. They pleaed with me to get in the car. Now, I said this before, in the old insane blog. Bravery and stupidy walk hand and hand. Here was one of those moments. I told them, "If I don't walk home and stick to my routine, they'll win!"
Nothing happend, nothing was taken to court. We ended moving to the next town over. New school again, and things died down a bit. I did have a few friends who helped. Try to get info at centers, or give me a bit of gay culture at that time. If you had not noticed already my family situation was well, going down hill. I blamed myself, for bring these problems thought. In a way, I did bring this on myself. Anyway, I could go on more but were rounding to the last two years of my high school life. At Freehold township. This is where the first mental break got really out of hand. The hospital records, I will put up later. Which I will hint, there were no drugs involed. Even though, I wish there fucking was.
After my mental fip out, I had to turn myself in to the police. Stay with friends for awhile. I had to quit both jobs that I was working because my mother told everyone about how horrible of a kid I was. Not to mention, it was taken to Monmouth County Superior Court. Everything was happening so fast. I remember a girlfriend of mine that I went to school with was there. Hence, more fucking talk. My senior year, started well. It was great. Like when, I was pulled out of middle of english class in front of everyone, to be summons by the cops. What the hell was that. Some old scared straight bullshit.
My last year of high school was pretty much sugar coated. I told people, to vote me for porm queen, instead of prom king. I showed up with my boyfriend sugar daddy...what ever anyone may want to call it. Everyone knew, my life was well going to be ... SHIT but I stayed in that bubble. Sepressing each memeory so I could live on each day. Hence the article , how trauma affects your memeory. I remember, when I walked into the bathrrom. A guy from a click that I never chatted with was taking a leak. I walked in, started to wash my hands. I felt the moment of dread, waiting for him to say something. What cunty come back will I have to say now, ran threw my head. When I was done, I heard him speak. How do you do it? Not what I was expecting. Huh? was my reply. Looking at him, I saw something different in his behavior. How do you do it? I though for a moment, my reply. I don't know, I just do.
There are alot more problems from my school years which I do not want to share, but like I said I'm writting this to show some signs. We all had are bad times. Some people are not to blame as more then others. They didn't understand at that time. Maybe the articles will help, or it might just help me cope. There were just somethings and issues I could not take the blame for. There is one thing, I can't wait to be apart of the Antidepressant taking nation, because this shit sucks.
Lets jump off this subject matter and into another. A few "Words" that most people use as a credo, to ones own self. Yet, I don't think they fully conceive. Which takes a endurance of considration. Stating these words, wanted these notions. Can make a person a HYPOCRITE. Even such a person like myself but as humans we all are. Showing one side of ourselves, and not the other. Example, your work life compared to your home life. Being one personality, and then another. Most people want Loyalty, Respect, Honesty, Trust, but forget the price that comes with it. Manipulation, Power, Control, Dishonesty. You can't have one without the other. This lies in the person, making those choices of what they are willing to Sacrifice . For what they hope will be a better outcome for themselves and what they covent and pride on.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypocrite
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/credo
With the three people that I knew so well. Here are some of there sayings that stuck. Which I made it work for me. A talent that I have become so accustom too. As general as this may sound, it still affects me till this day.
The many sayings of Cliff Mulkey
1. It's my way or the highway!
My comment, Looks like someone didn't get his way.
2.It's the truth mixed with lies.
My comment, Yeah, until you have put the truth in to action.
3. Legend in his own little mind.
My comment, Someone has been watching to much fucking "Jawbreaker". Do I look like Julie Benz to you?
4. I'm a wed lock child too. You see here in this magazine. This guy I think he my twin.
My comment, none at this point.
5.You play, you pay.
My comment. I guess this blog would be the payment.
6. Incest in all realivtive.
My comment. Guess it takes one to know one right.
7. I want my LIFE back.
My comment. I WANT MY FUCKING YOUTH BACK!
8. Give them enough rope, they hang themselves.
My comment. Well, look who's hanging now. A victim of his own white trash philosophy.
The many sayings of John Halm
1. I'm going to sue for defamation of character.
My comment, This coming from the same person that proclaims how many lawsuits he has going on. But yet, nothing ever happens.
2. I like them young, dumb, and full of cum.
My comment, A motto that Cliff like to say as well but both agreed and joked about. ( Rolling eyes )
3. I have ties to the mob.
My comment, none what so ever. ( Rolling eyes, again! )
4. He's an escort.
My comment, This coming from a man that every boyfriend he had. Was an escort. Someone should really then take a good look at himself and ask why every man he's been with, was an escort.
5. He's a troll whore. ( Meaning Me.)
My comment, He's a home wrecking, walking pharmacy, drunk, pretentious, superficial, sociopathic, faggot ass, old whore. I'm just saying.
The next few sayings are from the police statements, picture down below.
6. Q you just learned his last name now?
A yeah i did.
Q How long have you been acquainted with them?
A I've been friends with cliff since 1989, around 1990, yeah.
Q how long have you know alex?
A the same time that cliff met him. How long ago, I don't know how long it's been.
Q And he's a roommate of cliff's i take it?
A Uh, he had no place to live and cliff took him in.
Q Alright.
A. We're all friends.
My comment. Would have been nice that he told the cops that Cliff and him were fucking too. But that was info everyone knew, even me.
7. Q do you have any idea why he was doing this to clifford?
A I'm not, this kid is a, a, believe he's a con artist, a BS-er, and he's been taking advantage of cliff's good nature, and he wouldn't leave his home and he's been a disaster for a long time. Just that cliff's a nice guy, you know, but what are you going to do. Try to tell him and get rid of him. But.
My comment...Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?
8. Q Alright. Is there anything you'd like to add to this statement?
A UM, 50 YEARS IN JAIL WOULD BE NICE!
My comment..Jail for 50 years, I guess he doesn't know that jail and prison are two different things but as my Public defender said after reading this aloud to me. " What a peice of work!"
9. Accidents will happen. You should get some life insurance.
My comment, SHADY BITCH. This saying was stated. When I sat in his car with him and Cliff. As I told them about the story a few days back when my gas pedal got stuck to the floor and flew down 287, going almost 90 miles per hour. The car Cliff fixed. He was the only one who worked on my cars too. Yes cars, this was not the first time this had happened. Must be a bad auto tech.
Now, somethings I do remember from my great mother of mine. These will always stick in my head now.
The many sayings of Marliyn Blodgett
1. Never put your drink down and walk away.
My comment. Thanks for the common sense tip.
2. I been treated worst by better fucking people.
My comment .. What a great gay come back.
3.Act your AGE, not your mother fucking shoe size.
My comment, I wish these 3 people who were so influential took this peice of advice.
4. The only thing you are good for is for sex. So you better learn how to cook.
My comment, well I'm off the chart nuts. Total kinky freak in bed. I think. ( Crazy bitch sex is the best! So I heard!) I cook okay as for comfort foods and bake a lot. Rachel Gay, I like to call myself. And I'm trying to get this insane blog published. Hell that one more then what my mother though I should be doing. GOALS.. GOALS.. GOALS!!!!! Nothing like setting the bar so high.
6. Show me who your friends are and I will tell you exactly who you are.
My comment. What happens when you have no friends. Then who are you really?
I think I said a mouthful of all sayings that were so inspiring to me. Really inspiring. That would be Sarcasm again. I'm going to leave this last saying for the over all. My mother use to say this all the time. I think anyone can relate but for those three, I hope they really take this to heart.
7. First time shame on you, second time shame on me!
My comment, First time shame on me...SECOND TIME ... SHAME ON YOU!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Faultline and Jackson Police Reports
There is an article down below that shows some key points about Adjustment disorder. This has been stated many of times as waste basket diagnosis. "DECLARATION OF INTEREST" and "LOOSE DEFINITION" have some rather fine points though. Some people might think I was suffering from a "Jan Brady Complex". "Marcia, Marcia, MARCIA!" Since I do have an older step sister and a younger sister. That is not the case here. In my opinion, it was "Norman Bates Syndrome". Without the motel. Think Anthony Perkins shouting out. "MOTHER!" Don't take any showers when I'm present. Please see humor in this. I do. Now, if I know this is hysterically gay. Which in a way, it is. Then I know, I'll be fine. Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional but I'll be fine. Another joke here.
Back to the editorial / article, please read it threw first. So you know what I am bitching about. The, "DECLARATION OF INTEREST" and "LOOSE DEFINITION" will point out that anyone who suffers from this scrutiny, will return to a sense of normalcy with a small duration of time. Read, " ACADEMIC NEGLECT ". What I see here, no one really gave a shit about this subject matter. Reason why, my opinion. You can't make much money off this disorder, when it's up to the person to get over it spontaneously. Look how many publications have been made in the last twenty five years. What I find really odd. Is the, "SYNTHESIS". That the answer lies in those who have suffered and moved on from such the disorder.
In the, Police reports from Jackson, NJ. I was already out in the open. Not to mention the Eddie Warner and Sam Manzie controversy. I do have to say one thing. It was a bad time to be an out kid. The tension sucked but this go's for anybody. Or who anyone who even heard about it. To those who were apart of it. My sympathises for even mentioning this horrible ordeal.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,987156,00.html
Teenage years are pretty much a living hell for anyone. We all had to deal with the clicks, social high school politics, the hormones, teenage rebellion stage. Acne! Experimentation. ETC. ETC. ETC. Maybe I should have just waited till prom to open my mouth. Yes had to go threw gay ordeals, one example having a lunch tray thrown at me. With a condom on it. White lotion pouring out of sides and someone saying, "That is the closes thing to a dick you are going to get!" In front of a whole cafeteria. Not to mention, many walk outs during classes. Guys acting like they were coming onto me. I seen the main office more, then I saw my own damn homeroom. Walking target or ticking time bomb. Your choice and what you want to use as a label. Hell looking back at those years, I even made fun of myself. Wait a minute I still do.
I will go more into my teen years and my child hood years later. Right now, lets get into the reports. Her story of the insane delinquent teenage rebellion. To say the least. Came more to a shock to me. What most do not know, is my version. Since I had to keep my mouth shut about this subject. This is just one example of many of the abuse situations that came into play. I did not want to be in that asylum called 1140 Aldrich road. I didn't want to see the crap for what it was. That day of 09/16/98, I was going to dye my hair. Buying the popular hair product that just came out by L'Oreal. A brunt auburn red. Fairy! Shit sorry, wrong product. Feria.
Instead, I got to take advantage of an invite to hang with two friends. We went to Avon by the Sea. Where my trashy flamboyant self danced and did cart wheels in the sand. It was get away for awhile. To have good time, and not think of the disaster which I called my fucking teenage dramatic life. We all had them. I think anyone can understand that. I didn't care what was the price was for staying out that whole night. I wanted the night to last. Even though, I knew there was going to be a price. When I came home , I did enter threw my window which was on the ground floor. I had no keys, because they were taken away from me. There was cheap alarm system that installed by my father. Wait a minute, adopted father. I really have to get use to that term now. But when the alarm the was off one day...I cut the wire by rubbing the window up and down on the it. So when it was alarm set, the connection would not take.
When I entered my bedroom, there was a letter and I tossed it out. Completely sober, hence what my mother said. I went to dye my hair. Well the time, to pay the piper. I though, it was going to be a bit of bitching and that was it. Maybe a grounding. Nope, I was wrong. After hearing her thrown a fit for over a half an hour. Also her becoming more aggressive and hostile, I ran upstairs to the phone. Which was in the kitchen. Where she had put a block on the phone. Meanwhile, the dye pasted it time limit. My mother embraced her hysteria by then. I told her, to unblock the phone so I could call the police. I could remember the screaming. Her voice like it was a car screeching halt. "Do it, Call them! Call them, god dammit! Call the fucking cops!" Well with all going on, and me not knowing better. I didn't know you could call the cops when there was a block on the phone. This was being the 90's and well me being a trashy degenerate.
Anyway, long story short. I gave up and decide to go over to the neighbors house because of her fit. She was not all stable and I was not going to leave my kid sister with this women. I said, "That's it, were leaving." Dashed to her room. I hated bring Marlena into this, but no one was safe in this household. Pushing the door open to her bedroom. Which was down the hallway from the kitchen. I said, "Get your shit, were going!" She didn't know what was going on. By face I could see she was confused. Let alone scared. I did grab her by the arm. I turned around and then was maced by my own mother. Screaming was the first reaction I had. The second reaction was to get my sister out of the room. I grabbed her by the shoulders and then swung her around out of harms way towards the door which was the only exit out of my sisters room.
Once she was in the hallway, the third reaction came to mind. Football players tackle. I brought my head down, and ran right into her. Making her lose her balance and stumble. Pushing forward. Out of my sisters room, into the hallway, into the master bedroom. The master bedroom door flew open where my mother fell backwards flipping over her own stair master. Hitting the floor, with a loud thud, which shook the fucking entire bedroom. I turned away screaming and blinded ...having only the lite hallway and a figure that looked like my sister. Screaming out for her to run to the neighbors, we both ran. Ran down the hallway, into the dinning room. Opening the sliding door and pushing are way to the stairs . Running down the stairs, threw the back yard, threw the gate to the neighbors who were tending to there lawn.
The neighbor, flushed my eyes out with the garden hose. By that time the red dye now cake into my hair was now coming out, almost looking like a gory mess. After the police and everything was out in the open. I was stuck in that moment, having no clue what was going to happen. Completely numb. My sister was to return to the house hold. As for me to stay outside. By this time , my new hair color was Ronald McDonald RED. A man came by that council and consoled to gay youths. He was a probation officer. After he talked with my mother he told what I had to do. Eat dinner, go to school. Stay out of her way and if she does something. Well I should know what I have to do. But overall, this comment stayed in my head for a long time. "Do yourself the favor. Get emancipated!"
http://www.larcc.org/pamphlets/children_family/teen_emancipation.htm
What was I going to do. No money, no answers, hardly any guidance. I was not ready. Shocked not from her actions but from what transpired. How much more shit did I have to fucking go threw. What was I going to do. Go to harbour house for 2 weeks and then get kicked out. Press charges. The questions of second doubts played threw my head. I just had let it subside and try to get a grip. Not saying I was the picture perfect kid here. I screwed up many times but was a OUT GAY TEENAGER with many issues. I put on this show, a flaming spectacle. Like it was my shield, the more people made fun of me. The louder I got and increased the gay. I believe I explain this before in a previous blog. I just didn't want people asking or seeing my home life for what really it was. This is just one of the many, many, many problems. I had to go threw with great old mother dearest... 2.0!
So does any think she deserves RESPECT? Now, there something that I noticed on these police reports which no one is going to see, but I will mention. Each police report had a different social security number for Mrs Marliyn Blodgett. Not to mention that one of the medical records, states another different social security number for Mrs Marilyn Blodgett. That is a total of 3 different social security number used by same women. Every document I obtain she never made a mistake, using my number. When it came to hers, there was room for error.
Irregular alert. Irregular alert. If I grabbed my sister around the neck like she said in the report. Wouldn't there be hand prints around my sister's neck. Finger prints. Something. As for Cat, Adam, Ginny, and Marlena this really has nothing to do with them. They just so happen to be there, or be mention. Sorry. Anyway, not to mention lets point out counseling. I did have to go, after all this bullshit. About 3 or 4 sessions, and each session I asked. "Why isn't my mother here?" The therapist replied, "Well the session are for you!" I pointed out that the problem was between her and I. And nothing was going to get accomplished until she was came to a session. So after the last session, my mother asked me. "Was the therapy working?" And I said, "No, because you not there!" She cancel therapy.
The next report had to do with me running away. I did run away numerous of times before that. That was my nature to run away from there problem before it became something far more worst happens. In this instance, I didn't know where to go but I did not want anyone following me. So I left a bus schedule and went the opposite direction. If seaside is south, where the hell do you think I'm going. I found my derlict ass hanging by the Howell park and ride on route 9. Stepping onto the first step of the NJ transit bus. Doubt played threw my head yet again. The second guessing. Now, if I had a crystal ball and been able to see the future of me being maced. Believe me, ten dollars and a blow job for the bus driver would have definitely gotten me to at least New York City. Who knows, never really push myself to be Jail Bate Prostitution Whore. Okay another poor joke but I think anyone can understand this issue.
MTV CROWD? Really? Really? REALLY? I have to say one thing. NO FUCKING COMMENT! ( while I roll my eyes ) You know, it's one thing to acknowledge that you might be that kid. It's another to find out, and accept that. YOU ARE THAT KID! I would like to see members of my family and those ex friends who could not stand me put there heads on the chopping block like I had too. Not saying I'm any better, because I'm not. Far from it, but no body else is either. Let them take the walk of shame, then walk the hallway of shame, and go threw the maze of shame. I mention something about my mother, who makes Joan Cawford look like a Fucking saint. She mention something her deserving respect. Albert Camus said, Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. Now I might be mean in saying this but, READ IT AND WEEP BITCH! .
Back to the editorial / article, please read it threw first. So you know what I am bitching about. The, "DECLARATION OF INTEREST" and "LOOSE DEFINITION" will point out that anyone who suffers from this scrutiny, will return to a sense of normalcy with a small duration of time. Read, " ACADEMIC NEGLECT ". What I see here, no one really gave a shit about this subject matter. Reason why, my opinion. You can't make much money off this disorder, when it's up to the person to get over it spontaneously. Look how many publications have been made in the last twenty five years. What I find really odd. Is the, "SYNTHESIS". That the answer lies in those who have suffered and moved on from such the disorder.
In the, Police reports from Jackson, NJ. I was already out in the open. Not to mention the Eddie Warner and Sam Manzie controversy. I do have to say one thing. It was a bad time to be an out kid. The tension sucked but this go's for anybody. Or who anyone who even heard about it. To those who were apart of it. My sympathises for even mentioning this horrible ordeal.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,987156,00.html
Teenage years are pretty much a living hell for anyone. We all had to deal with the clicks, social high school politics, the hormones, teenage rebellion stage. Acne! Experimentation. ETC. ETC. ETC. Maybe I should have just waited till prom to open my mouth. Yes had to go threw gay ordeals, one example having a lunch tray thrown at me. With a condom on it. White lotion pouring out of sides and someone saying, "That is the closes thing to a dick you are going to get!" In front of a whole cafeteria. Not to mention, many walk outs during classes. Guys acting like they were coming onto me. I seen the main office more, then I saw my own damn homeroom. Walking target or ticking time bomb. Your choice and what you want to use as a label. Hell looking back at those years, I even made fun of myself. Wait a minute I still do.
I will go more into my teen years and my child hood years later. Right now, lets get into the reports. Her story of the insane delinquent teenage rebellion. To say the least. Came more to a shock to me. What most do not know, is my version. Since I had to keep my mouth shut about this subject. This is just one example of many of the abuse situations that came into play. I did not want to be in that asylum called 1140 Aldrich road. I didn't want to see the crap for what it was. That day of 09/16/98, I was going to dye my hair. Buying the popular hair product that just came out by L'Oreal. A brunt auburn red. Fairy! Shit sorry, wrong product. Feria.
Instead, I got to take advantage of an invite to hang with two friends. We went to Avon by the Sea. Where my trashy flamboyant self danced and did cart wheels in the sand. It was get away for awhile. To have good time, and not think of the disaster which I called my fucking teenage dramatic life. We all had them. I think anyone can understand that. I didn't care what was the price was for staying out that whole night. I wanted the night to last. Even though, I knew there was going to be a price. When I came home , I did enter threw my window which was on the ground floor. I had no keys, because they were taken away from me. There was cheap alarm system that installed by my father. Wait a minute, adopted father. I really have to get use to that term now. But when the alarm the was off one day...I cut the wire by rubbing the window up and down on the it. So when it was alarm set, the connection would not take.
When I entered my bedroom, there was a letter and I tossed it out. Completely sober, hence what my mother said. I went to dye my hair. Well the time, to pay the piper. I though, it was going to be a bit of bitching and that was it. Maybe a grounding. Nope, I was wrong. After hearing her thrown a fit for over a half an hour. Also her becoming more aggressive and hostile, I ran upstairs to the phone. Which was in the kitchen. Where she had put a block on the phone. Meanwhile, the dye pasted it time limit. My mother embraced her hysteria by then. I told her, to unblock the phone so I could call the police. I could remember the screaming. Her voice like it was a car screeching halt. "Do it, Call them! Call them, god dammit! Call the fucking cops!" Well with all going on, and me not knowing better. I didn't know you could call the cops when there was a block on the phone. This was being the 90's and well me being a trashy degenerate.
Anyway, long story short. I gave up and decide to go over to the neighbors house because of her fit. She was not all stable and I was not going to leave my kid sister with this women. I said, "That's it, were leaving." Dashed to her room. I hated bring Marlena into this, but no one was safe in this household. Pushing the door open to her bedroom. Which was down the hallway from the kitchen. I said, "Get your shit, were going!" She didn't know what was going on. By face I could see she was confused. Let alone scared. I did grab her by the arm. I turned around and then was maced by my own mother. Screaming was the first reaction I had. The second reaction was to get my sister out of the room. I grabbed her by the shoulders and then swung her around out of harms way towards the door which was the only exit out of my sisters room.
Once she was in the hallway, the third reaction came to mind. Football players tackle. I brought my head down, and ran right into her. Making her lose her balance and stumble. Pushing forward. Out of my sisters room, into the hallway, into the master bedroom. The master bedroom door flew open where my mother fell backwards flipping over her own stair master. Hitting the floor, with a loud thud, which shook the fucking entire bedroom. I turned away screaming and blinded ...having only the lite hallway and a figure that looked like my sister. Screaming out for her to run to the neighbors, we both ran. Ran down the hallway, into the dinning room. Opening the sliding door and pushing are way to the stairs . Running down the stairs, threw the back yard, threw the gate to the neighbors who were tending to there lawn.
The neighbor, flushed my eyes out with the garden hose. By that time the red dye now cake into my hair was now coming out, almost looking like a gory mess. After the police and everything was out in the open. I was stuck in that moment, having no clue what was going to happen. Completely numb. My sister was to return to the house hold. As for me to stay outside. By this time , my new hair color was Ronald McDonald RED. A man came by that council and consoled to gay youths. He was a probation officer. After he talked with my mother he told what I had to do. Eat dinner, go to school. Stay out of her way and if she does something. Well I should know what I have to do. But overall, this comment stayed in my head for a long time. "Do yourself the favor. Get emancipated!"
http://www.larcc.org/pamphlets/children_family/teen_emancipation.htm
What was I going to do. No money, no answers, hardly any guidance. I was not ready. Shocked not from her actions but from what transpired. How much more shit did I have to fucking go threw. What was I going to do. Go to harbour house for 2 weeks and then get kicked out. Press charges. The questions of second doubts played threw my head. I just had let it subside and try to get a grip. Not saying I was the picture perfect kid here. I screwed up many times but was a OUT GAY TEENAGER with many issues. I put on this show, a flaming spectacle. Like it was my shield, the more people made fun of me. The louder I got and increased the gay. I believe I explain this before in a previous blog. I just didn't want people asking or seeing my home life for what really it was. This is just one of the many, many, many problems. I had to go threw with great old mother dearest... 2.0!
So does any think she deserves RESPECT? Now, there something that I noticed on these police reports which no one is going to see, but I will mention. Each police report had a different social security number for Mrs Marliyn Blodgett. Not to mention that one of the medical records, states another different social security number for Mrs Marilyn Blodgett. That is a total of 3 different social security number used by same women. Every document I obtain she never made a mistake, using my number. When it came to hers, there was room for error.
Irregular alert. Irregular alert. If I grabbed my sister around the neck like she said in the report. Wouldn't there be hand prints around my sister's neck. Finger prints. Something. As for Cat, Adam, Ginny, and Marlena this really has nothing to do with them. They just so happen to be there, or be mention. Sorry. Anyway, not to mention lets point out counseling. I did have to go, after all this bullshit. About 3 or 4 sessions, and each session I asked. "Why isn't my mother here?" The therapist replied, "Well the session are for you!" I pointed out that the problem was between her and I. And nothing was going to get accomplished until she was came to a session. So after the last session, my mother asked me. "Was the therapy working?" And I said, "No, because you not there!" She cancel therapy.
The next report had to do with me running away. I did run away numerous of times before that. That was my nature to run away from there problem before it became something far more worst happens. In this instance, I didn't know where to go but I did not want anyone following me. So I left a bus schedule and went the opposite direction. If seaside is south, where the hell do you think I'm going. I found my derlict ass hanging by the Howell park and ride on route 9. Stepping onto the first step of the NJ transit bus. Doubt played threw my head yet again. The second guessing. Now, if I had a crystal ball and been able to see the future of me being maced. Believe me, ten dollars and a blow job for the bus driver would have definitely gotten me to at least New York City. Who knows, never really push myself to be Jail Bate Prostitution Whore. Okay another poor joke but I think anyone can understand this issue.
MTV CROWD? Really? Really? REALLY? I have to say one thing. NO FUCKING COMMENT! ( while I roll my eyes ) You know, it's one thing to acknowledge that you might be that kid. It's another to find out, and accept that. YOU ARE THAT KID! I would like to see members of my family and those ex friends who could not stand me put there heads on the chopping block like I had too. Not saying I'm any better, because I'm not. Far from it, but no body else is either. Let them take the walk of shame, then walk the hallway of shame, and go threw the maze of shame. I mention something about my mother, who makes Joan Cawford look like a Fucking saint. She mention something her deserving respect. Albert Camus said, Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. Now I might be mean in saying this but, READ IT AND WEEP BITCH! .
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Defensive, Phony, or Outspoken?
"At 30, a man should know himself like the palm of his hand. Know the exact number of his defects and qualities, know how far he can go, foretell his failures, be what he is, and above all. Accept these things!" (Albert Camus)
The qoutes that I have within this blog are suppose to be empowering. The whole concept is suppose to be empowering. For anyone to take any infomation from here if they choose and apply it to themselves, in there own life. It was these quotes and this trashy common sense. That got me threw many of the burdensome times and my naive youth. With that said, I hope others can do the same. This is not meant, but can be implied for the 72,000 dollar higher educated. It's intended for those who are low rent. For the uneducated, who do have common sense. That's the reason why it so poorly written, with it's curses and foul language . It's so straight forward, that anyone. ANYONE...can comprehend and relate too. Cause I know, as much as anyone else. That there are many others, just like myself.
At times. I do remember from my past. Conversations from others, of me being phony. Or Narcissistic. This is all to common with poeple. Everyone has been threw this issue. It's so high schooler. As we know, anyone that says something like this. Has some Insecurities with themselves and that person. You would think that anyone that reads this blog would get a better perception of my personailty. Being phony, is more so a state of mind. At least to some individual and group logic. Fact of the matter, we are all phony in others perception and standards.
http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861725676/phony.html
Do I look up to myself? In a way, I could say yes. That I have faith in myself. This trust that I will pull threw. Being an astnostic, one who questions religion and it's many followers. I feel that I should be more forthright about this. I do find religion to be more or less courupted. It's up to the person to pick and choose what they want to learn or believe. "IF" there is a such unseen force or realm. I will find out when I get there. I am opening to it, but these are just my opinions. And, like the old saying goes. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone got one.
This does sounds insane, and I wish I was suffering from Dementia. It would make things a lot easier. This is not the case though. It's the coming to terms and the wising up. It one thing to wise up to one event. It's another to see everything for what it is. In a recent blog, I asked if anyone saw a pattern. I going to post two more hospital records, from two different hospitals. All together, that is four different hospitalization documents. This should indcate, what I am seeing. I asked this, if I was such a problem or there was a serious issue here. Don't you think someone would have caught it by now. The blog, "Hospital Records". Will get more into depth. In 3 different parts.
Not to mention, I already tried therapy. I am not that objecting to it, but I can say, I don't think it's going to work right now. With the many hostipals and the many attempts. This is the only step that I think will work. I have to do something about it. The patterns that are here. Shows one that is troubled, but also can see that it wasn't just me. Everyone was troubled. Let's put it this way, after getting out of jail. I could have went after the people I blamed. Doing something which would have resulted far worst. Now for those who disagree, here is an article that I think many can understand.
Mental Disorders in America
Mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.1 When applied to the 2004 U.S. Census residential population estimate for ages 18 and older, this figure translates to 57.7 million people.2 Even though mental disorders are widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion — about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 — who suffer from a serious mental illness.1 In addition, mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the U.S. and Canada.3 Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time. Nearly half (45 percent) of those with any mental disorder meet criteria for 2 or more disorders, with severity strongly related to comorbidity.1
In the U.S., mental disorders are diagnosed based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV).4
Mood Disorders
Mood disorders include major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder.
Approximately 20.9 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a mood disorder.1,2
The median age of onset for mood disorders is 30 years.5
Depressive disorders often co-occur with anxiety disorders and substance abuse.5
Major Depressive Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15-44.3
Major depressive disorder affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.1, 2
While major depressive disorder can develop at any age, the median age at onset is 32.5
Major depressive disorder is more prevalent in women than in men.6
Dysthymic Disorder
Symptoms of dysthymic disorder (chronic, mild depression) must persist for at least two years in adults (one year in children) to meet criteria for the diagnosis. Dysthymic disorder affects approximately 1.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.1, This figure translates to about 3.3 million American adults.2
The median age of onset of dysthymic disorder is 31.1
Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.1, 2
The median age of onset for bipolar disorders is 25 years.5
Suicide
In 2006, 33,300 (approximately 11 per 100,000) people died by suicide in the U.S.7
More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable mental disorder, most commonly a depressive disorder or a substance abuse disorder.8
The highest suicide rates in the U.S. are found in white men over age 85.9
Four times as many men as women die by suicide9; however, women attempt suicide two to three times as often as men.10
Schizophrenia
Approximately 2.4 million American adults, or about 1.1 percent of the population age 18 and older in a given year,11, 2 have schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia affects men and women with equal frequency.12
Schizophrenia often first appears in men in their late teens or early twenties. In contrast, women are generally affected in their twenties or early thirties.12
Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety disorders include panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and phobias (social phobia, agoraphobia, and specific phobia).
Approximately 40 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 18.1 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have an anxiety disorder.1,2
Anxiety disorders frequently co-occur with depressive disorders or substance abuse.1
Most people with one anxiety disorder also have another anxiety disorder. Nearly three-quarters of those with an anxiety disorder will have their first episode by age 21.5 5
Panic Disorder
Approximately 6 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 2.7 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have panic disorder.1, 2
Panic disorder typically develops in early adulthood (median age of onset is 24), but the age of onset extends throughout adulthood.5
About one in three people with panic disorder develops agoraphobia, a condition in which the individual becomes afraid of being in any place or situation where escape might be difficult or help unavailable in the event of a panic attack.12
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Approximately 2.2 million American adults age 18 and older, or about 1.0 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have OCD.1, 2
The first symptoms of OCD often begin during childhood or adolescence, however, the median age of onset is 19.5
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Approximately 7.7 million American adults age 18 and older, or about 3.5 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have PTSD.1, 2
PTSD can develop at any age, including childhood, but research shows that the median age of onset is 23 years.5
About 19 percent of Vietnam veterans experienced PTSD at some point after the war.13 The disorder also frequently occurs after violent personal assaults such as rape, mugging, or domestic violence; terrorism; natural or human-caused disasters; and accidents.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Approximately 6.8 million American adults, or about 3.1 percent of people age 18 and over, have GAD in a given year.1, 2
GAD can begin across the life cycle, though the median age of onset is 31 years old.5
Social Phobia
Approximately 15 million American adults age 18 and over, or about 6.8 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have social phobia.1
Social phobia begins in childhood or adolescence, typically around 13 years of age.5
Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia involves intense fear and anxiety of any place or situation where escape might be difficult, leading to avoidance of situations such as being alone outside of the home; traveling in a car, bus, or airplane; or being in a crowded area.5
Approximately 1.8 million American adults age 18 and over, or about 0.8 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have agoraphobia without a history of panic disorder.1, 2
The median age of onset of agoraphobia is 20 years of age.5
Specific Phobia
Specific phobia involves marked and persistent fear and avoidance of a specific object or situation.
Approximately 19.2 million American adults age 18 and over, or about 8.7 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have some type of specific phobia.1, 2
Specific phobia typically begins in childhood; the median age of onset is seven years.5
Eating Disorders
The three main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.
In their lifetime, an estimated 0.6 percent of the adult population in the U.S. will suffer from anorexia, 1.0 percent from bulimia, and 2.8 percent from a binge eating disorder. 14
Women are much more likely than males to develop an eating disorder. They are three times as likely to experience anorexia (0.9 percent of women vs. 0.3 percent of men) and bulimia (1.5 percent of women vs. 0.5 percent of men) during their life. They are also 75 percent more likely to have a binge eating disorder (3.5 percent of women vs. 2.0 percent of men).14
The mortality rate among people with anorexia has been estimated at 0.56 percent per year, or approximately 5.6 percent per decade, which is about 12 times higher than the annual death rate due to all causes of death among females ages 15-24 in the general population.15
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
ADHD, one of the most common mental disorders in children and adolescents, also affects an estimated 4.1 percent of adults, ages 18-44, in a given year.1
ADHD usually becomes evident in preschool or early elementary years. The median age of onset of ADHD is seven years, although the disorder can persist into adolescence and occasionally into adulthood.5
Autism
Autism is part of a group of disorders called autism spectrum disorders (ASDs), also known as pervasive developmental disorders. ASDs range in severity, with autism being the most debilitating form while other disorders, such as Asperger syndrome, produce milder symptoms.
Estimating the prevalence of autism is difficult and controversial due to differences in the ways that cases are identified and defined, differences in study methods, and changes in diagnostic criteria. A recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported the prevalence of autism among 8 year-olds to be about 1 in 110.16
Autism and other ASDs develop in childhood and generally are diagnosed by age three.17
Autism is about four times more common in boys than girls. Girls with the disorder, however, tend to have more severe symptoms and greater cognitive impairment.16,17
Personality Disorders
Personality disorders represent "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it."4 These patterns tend to be fixed and consistent across situations and are typically perceived to be appropriate by the individual even though they may markedly affect their day-to-day life in negative ways. Among American adults ages 18 and over, an estimated 9.1% have a diagnosable personality disorder.18 Several more common personality disorders include:
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by an individual's disregard for social rules and cultural norms, impulsive behavior, and indifference to the rights and feelings of others.
Approximately 1.0 percent of people aged 18 or over have antisocial personality disorder.18
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social inhibition, sensitivity to negative evaluation, and feelings of inadequacy. Individuals with avoidant personality disorder frequently avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, or disliked.
An estimated 5.2 percent of people age 18 or older have an avoidant personality disorder.18
Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is defined by the DSM-IV as "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.”
Approximately 1.6 percent of Americans age 18 or older have BPD.18
For More Information
Mental Health Information and Organizations from NLM's MedlinePlus (en Español).
References
1. Kessler RC, Chiu WT, Demler O, Walters EE. Prevalence, severity, and comorbidity of twelve-month DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005 Jun;62(6):617-27.
2. U.S. Census Bureau Population Estimates by Demographic Characteristics. Table 2: Annual Estimates of the Population by Selected Age Groups and Sex for the United States: April 1, 2000 to July 1, 2004 (NC-EST2004-02) Source: Population Division, U.S. Census Bureau Release Date: June 9, 2005. http://www.census.gov/popest/national/asrh/
3. The World Health Organization. The global burden of disease: 2004 update, Table A2: Burden of disease in DALYs by cause, sex and income group in WHO regions, estimates for 2004. Geneva, Switzerland: WHO, 2008. http://www.who.int/healthinfo/global_burden_disease/GBD_report_2004update_AnnexA.pdf.
4. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, 1994.
5. Kessler RC, Berglund PA, Demler O, Jin R, Walters EE. Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry. 2005 Jun;62(6):593-602.
6. Kessler RC, Berglund P, Demler O, Jin R, Koretz D, Merikangas KR, Rush AJ, Walters EE, Wang PS. The epidemiology of major depressive disorder: results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Journal of the American Medical Association, 2003; Jun 18;289(23):3095-105.
7. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) : www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars accessed April 2010.
8. Conwell Y, Brent D. Suicide and aging I: patterns of psychiatric diagnosis. International Psychogeriatrics, 1995; 7(2): 149-64.
9. Kochanek KD, Murphy SL, Anderson RN, Scott C. Deaths: final data for 2002. National Vital Statistics Reports. 2004 Oct 12;53 (5):1-115.
10. Weissman MM, Bland RC, Canino GJ, et al. Prevalence of suicide ideation and suicide attempts in nine countries. Psychological Medicine, 1999; 29(1): 9-17.
11. Regier DA, Narrow WE, Rae DS, Manderscheid RW, Locke BZ, Goodwin FK. The de facto mental and addictive disorders service system. Epidemiologic Catchment Area prospective 1-year prevalence rates of disorders and services. Archives of General Psychiatry. 1993 Feb;50(2):85-94.
12. Robins LN, Regier DA, eds. Psychiatric disorders in America: the Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study. New York: The Free Press, 1991.
13. Dohrenwend BP, Turner JB, Turse NA, Adams BG, Koen KC, Marshall R. The psychological risk of Vietnam for U.S. veterans: A revist with new data and methods. Science. 2006; 313(5789):979-982.
14. Hudson JI, Hiripi E, Pope HG, Kessler RC. The prevalence and correlates of eating disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Biol Psychiatry. 2007; 61:348-58.
15. Sullivan PF. Mortality in anorexia nervosa. American Journal of Psychiatry. 1995 Jul;152(7):1073-4.
16. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorders―Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, United States, 2006. MMWR Surveillance Summaries 2009;58(SS-10)
17. Fombonne E. Epidemiology of autism and related conditions. In: Volkmar FR, ed. Autism and pervasive developmental disorders. Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press, 1998; 32-63.
18. Lenzenweger, M.F., Lane, M.C., Loranger, A.W., Kessler, R.C. (2007). DSM-IV personality disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Biological Psychiatry, 62(6), 553-564.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index.shtml
57.7 million people with a alarming trend that is increasing and that is in only 2004! That is alot of fucked up people! A book I touched upon is, Suggestions of Abuse. Which was interesting and informative. In one chapter, the author states. That 98 precent of people suffer from 3 or 4 traumas within there life span. I can believe that. This book talks about various topics. That I do and do not agree to. But here is what the library journal said.
Finally, a work of popular psychology whose purpose is not to convince readers that they are victims but to illuminate one of the most fascinating and distressing occurrences in recent years-the increase in sexual abuse accusations resulting from the recollection of repressed memories. While clinical psychologist Yapko asserts that memories of horrible events can indeed be repressed, so little is understood about both memory and the mind's receptivity to suggestion that it can be virtually impossible to distinguish genuine memories from false ones. In some instances, therapists are able to convince susceptible clients that they are victims of sexual abuse that may have never occurred. This book is recommended for all public libraries, and while it is not scholarly in the strictest sense, it would not be an inappropriate purchase for academic libraries.
Jennifer Amador, Central State Hosp. Medical Lib., Petersburg, Va.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
http://www.amazon.com/Suggestions-Abuse-Michael-Yapko-PhD/dp/0671874314
Now, I did point out that I did do drugs, in my lifetime. Well, here is something that should make others think before adding there own opinon though. I had a women comment to me, "This is what you get for doing drugs!" Okay well, if that is the case let me defend myself with this by this article.
Prescription Drugs Kill 300 Percent More Americans Than Illegal Drugs
Monday 10 November 2008
by: David Gutierrez | Natural News
A report by the Florida Medical Examiners Commission has concluded that prescription drugs have outstripped illegal drugs as a cause of death.
An analysis of 168,900 autopsies conducted in Florida in 2007 found that three times as many people were killed by legal drugs as by cocaine, heroin and all methamphetamines put together. According to state law enforcement officials, this is a sign of a burgeoning prescription drug abuse problem.
"The abuse has reached epidemic proportions," said Lisa McElhaney, a sergeant in the pharmaceutical drug diversion unit of the Broward County Sheriff's Office. "It's just explosive."
In 2007, cocaine was responsible for 843 deaths, heroin for 121, methamphetamines for 25 and marijuana for zero, for a total of 989 deaths. In contrast, 2,328 people were killed by opioid painkillers, including Vicodin and Oxycontin, and 743 were killed by drugs containing benzodiazepine, including the depressants Valium and Xanax.
Alcohol directly caused 466 deaths, but was found in the bodies of 4,179 cadavers in all.
While the number of dead bodies containing heroin jumped 14 percent from the prior year, to a total of 110, the number of deaths influenced by the painkiller oxycodone increased by 36 percent, to a total of 1,253.
Across the country, prescription drugs have become an increasingly popular alternative to the more difficult to acquire illegal drugs. Even as illegal drug use among teenagers have fallen, prescription drug abuse has increased. For example, while 4 percent of U.S. 12th graders were using Oxycontin in 2002, by 2005 that number had increased to 5.5 percent.
It's not hard for teens to come by prescription drugs, according to Sgt. Tracy Busby, supervisor of the Calaveras County, Calif., Sheriff's Office narcotics unit.
"You go to every medicine cabinet in the county, and I bet you're going to find some sort of prescription medicine in 95 percent of them," he said.
Adults can acquire prescriptions by faking injuries, or by visiting multiple doctors and pharmacies for the same health complaint. Some people get more drugs than they expect to need, then sell the extras.
"You have health care providers involved, you have doctor shoppers, and then there are crimes like robbing drug shipments," said Jeff Beasley of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. "There is a multitude of ways to get these drugs, and that's what makes things complicated."
And while some people may believe that the medicines' legality makes them less dangerous than illegal drugs, Tuolumne County, Calif., Sheriff's Office Deputy Dan Crow warns that this is not the case. Because everybody reacts differently to foreign chemicals, there is no way of predicting the exact response anyone will have to a given dosage. That is why prescription drugs are supposed to be taken under a doctor's supervision.
"All this stuff is poison," Crow said. "Your body will fight all of this stuff." Tuolumne County Health Officer Todd Stolp agreed. A prescription drug taken recreationally is "much like a firearm in the hands of someone who's not trained to use them," he said.
While anyone taking a prescription medicine runs a risk of negative effects, the drugs are even more dangerous when abused. For example, many painkillers are designed to have a delayed effect that fades out over time. This can lead recreational users to take more drugs before the old ones are out of their system, placing them at risk of an overdose. Likewise, the common practice of grinding pills up causes a large dose of drugs to hit the body all at once, with potentially dangerous consequences.
"A medication that was meant to be distributed over 24 hours has immediate effect," Stolp said.
Even more dangerous is the trend of mixing drugs with alcohol, which, like most popularly abused drugs, is a depressant.
"In the case of alcohol and drugs, one plus one equals more than two," said Tuolumne County Sheriff's Office spokesperson Lt. Dan Bressler.
Florida pays careful attention to drug-related deaths, and as such has significantly better data on the problem than any other state. But a recent study conducted by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) suggests that the problem is indeed national. According to the DEA, the number of people abusing prescription drugs in the United States has jumped 80 percent in six years to seven million, or more than those abusing cocaine, Ecstasy, heroin, hallucinogens an inhalants put together.
Not surprisingly, there has been a corresponding increase in deaths. According to the Drug Abuse Warning Network, the number of emergency room visits related to painkillers has increased by 153 percent since 1995. And a 2007 report by the Justice Department National Intelligence Drug Center found that deaths related to the opioid methadone jumped from 786 in 1999 to 3,849 in 2004 - an increase of 390 percent.
Many experts attribute the trend to the increasing popularity among doctors of prescribing painkillers, combined with a leap in direct-to-consumer marketing by drug companies. For example, promotional spending on Oxycontin increased threefold between 1996 and 2001, to $30 million per year.
Sonora, Calif., pharmacist Eddie Howard reports that he's seen painkiller prescriptions jump dramatically in the last five years.
"I don't know that there is that much pain out there to demand such an increase," he said. The trend concerns Howard, and he tries to keep an eye out for patients who are coming in too frequently. But he admits that there is little he can do about the problem.
"When you have a lot of people waiting for prescriptions, it's hard to find time to play detective," he said.
Still, the situation makes Howard uncomfortable.
"It almost makes me a legalized drug dealer, and that's not a good position to be in," he said.
http://www.truth-out.org/111208HA
So for anyone that says I am jumping to conclusions. That I not thinking straight, or I am reading to much into it. Or who points out that this was about drugs. This is what I get. Wise up baby. Wise the fuck up. Get some insight. No one is any better. Spare me with the excuses. The problems were there with or without. Making this quote, very insightful. It's not the crazy ones you have out for, it the ones who consider themselves normal.
I am going jump off this subject because I think I said my peace. I noticed something that was very odd. Which I wonder why my motives are so different then most. Why don't I want to meet my biological father or my bother if there is any? Twin or half. The only thing I want to know. Who he is, his medical conditions or genetics. ( If anything was pasted down.) Also, if there is any truth to being a twin or half brother. That's all I want to know. I believe I stated this before. Not planning to add them to my x-mas card list. I don't want to be reunited nor that I blame him for what he did to my mother. I have no resentment towards him.
I feel that I have so many issues, that it is time for just myself. I don't want my issues onto bleed them. When they have such a life themselves to live. I find it wrong. Now, if there was a chance to rekinddle, I would keep an open mind. Maybe in the future but I do not see that happen anytime soon. That's the reason why I find this very strange. It's closure that I want, not saying that I am going to get it. To find out that your a resentment baby that came from a dishearting and emotional crazied mother. Is one thing. It's another thing though, that everyone was crazied in there own way. These inablers brought out something in me. In which, I do not want to tap into again.
I think this pretty much sums it up though, "Man is only normal in his natural environment, it is society that brings out his beast!" I believe it was Friedrich Nietzsche said something like this. Lastly, no one cares about your issues because they are to busy with there own. So why not do something about it.
The qoutes that I have within this blog are suppose to be empowering. The whole concept is suppose to be empowering. For anyone to take any infomation from here if they choose and apply it to themselves, in there own life. It was these quotes and this trashy common sense. That got me threw many of the burdensome times and my naive youth. With that said, I hope others can do the same. This is not meant, but can be implied for the 72,000 dollar higher educated. It's intended for those who are low rent. For the uneducated, who do have common sense. That's the reason why it so poorly written, with it's curses and foul language . It's so straight forward, that anyone. ANYONE...can comprehend and relate too. Cause I know, as much as anyone else. That there are many others, just like myself.
At times. I do remember from my past. Conversations from others, of me being phony. Or Narcissistic. This is all to common with poeple. Everyone has been threw this issue. It's so high schooler. As we know, anyone that says something like this. Has some Insecurities with themselves and that person. You would think that anyone that reads this blog would get a better perception of my personailty. Being phony, is more so a state of mind. At least to some individual and group logic. Fact of the matter, we are all phony in others perception and standards.
http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861725676/phony.html
Do I look up to myself? In a way, I could say yes. That I have faith in myself. This trust that I will pull threw. Being an astnostic, one who questions religion and it's many followers. I feel that I should be more forthright about this. I do find religion to be more or less courupted. It's up to the person to pick and choose what they want to learn or believe. "IF" there is a such unseen force or realm. I will find out when I get there. I am opening to it, but these are just my opinions. And, like the old saying goes. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone got one.
This does sounds insane, and I wish I was suffering from Dementia. It would make things a lot easier. This is not the case though. It's the coming to terms and the wising up. It one thing to wise up to one event. It's another to see everything for what it is. In a recent blog, I asked if anyone saw a pattern. I going to post two more hospital records, from two different hospitals. All together, that is four different hospitalization documents. This should indcate, what I am seeing. I asked this, if I was such a problem or there was a serious issue here. Don't you think someone would have caught it by now. The blog, "Hospital Records". Will get more into depth. In 3 different parts.
Not to mention, I already tried therapy. I am not that objecting to it, but I can say, I don't think it's going to work right now. With the many hostipals and the many attempts. This is the only step that I think will work. I have to do something about it. The patterns that are here. Shows one that is troubled, but also can see that it wasn't just me. Everyone was troubled. Let's put it this way, after getting out of jail. I could have went after the people I blamed. Doing something which would have resulted far worst. Now for those who disagree, here is an article that I think many can understand.
Mental Disorders in America
Mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.1 When applied to the 2004 U.S. Census residential population estimate for ages 18 and older, this figure translates to 57.7 million people.2 Even though mental disorders are widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion — about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 — who suffer from a serious mental illness.1 In addition, mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the U.S. and Canada.3 Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time. Nearly half (45 percent) of those with any mental disorder meet criteria for 2 or more disorders, with severity strongly related to comorbidity.1
In the U.S., mental disorders are diagnosed based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV).4
Mood Disorders
Mood disorders include major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder.
Approximately 20.9 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a mood disorder.1,2
The median age of onset for mood disorders is 30 years.5
Depressive disorders often co-occur with anxiety disorders and substance abuse.5
Major Depressive Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15-44.3
Major depressive disorder affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.1, 2
While major depressive disorder can develop at any age, the median age at onset is 32.5
Major depressive disorder is more prevalent in women than in men.6
Dysthymic Disorder
Symptoms of dysthymic disorder (chronic, mild depression) must persist for at least two years in adults (one year in children) to meet criteria for the diagnosis. Dysthymic disorder affects approximately 1.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.1, This figure translates to about 3.3 million American adults.2
The median age of onset of dysthymic disorder is 31.1
Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.1, 2
The median age of onset for bipolar disorders is 25 years.5
Suicide
In 2006, 33,300 (approximately 11 per 100,000) people died by suicide in the U.S.7
More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable mental disorder, most commonly a depressive disorder or a substance abuse disorder.8
The highest suicide rates in the U.S. are found in white men over age 85.9
Four times as many men as women die by suicide9; however, women attempt suicide two to three times as often as men.10
Schizophrenia
Approximately 2.4 million American adults, or about 1.1 percent of the population age 18 and older in a given year,11, 2 have schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia affects men and women with equal frequency.12
Schizophrenia often first appears in men in their late teens or early twenties. In contrast, women are generally affected in their twenties or early thirties.12
Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety disorders include panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and phobias (social phobia, agoraphobia, and specific phobia).
Approximately 40 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 18.1 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have an anxiety disorder.1,2
Anxiety disorders frequently co-occur with depressive disorders or substance abuse.1
Most people with one anxiety disorder also have another anxiety disorder. Nearly three-quarters of those with an anxiety disorder will have their first episode by age 21.5 5
Panic Disorder
Approximately 6 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 2.7 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have panic disorder.1, 2
Panic disorder typically develops in early adulthood (median age of onset is 24), but the age of onset extends throughout adulthood.5
About one in three people with panic disorder develops agoraphobia, a condition in which the individual becomes afraid of being in any place or situation where escape might be difficult or help unavailable in the event of a panic attack.12
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Approximately 2.2 million American adults age 18 and older, or about 1.0 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have OCD.1, 2
The first symptoms of OCD often begin during childhood or adolescence, however, the median age of onset is 19.5
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Approximately 7.7 million American adults age 18 and older, or about 3.5 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have PTSD.1, 2
PTSD can develop at any age, including childhood, but research shows that the median age of onset is 23 years.5
About 19 percent of Vietnam veterans experienced PTSD at some point after the war.13 The disorder also frequently occurs after violent personal assaults such as rape, mugging, or domestic violence; terrorism; natural or human-caused disasters; and accidents.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Approximately 6.8 million American adults, or about 3.1 percent of people age 18 and over, have GAD in a given year.1, 2
GAD can begin across the life cycle, though the median age of onset is 31 years old.5
Social Phobia
Approximately 15 million American adults age 18 and over, or about 6.8 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have social phobia.1
Social phobia begins in childhood or adolescence, typically around 13 years of age.5
Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia involves intense fear and anxiety of any place or situation where escape might be difficult, leading to avoidance of situations such as being alone outside of the home; traveling in a car, bus, or airplane; or being in a crowded area.5
Approximately 1.8 million American adults age 18 and over, or about 0.8 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have agoraphobia without a history of panic disorder.1, 2
The median age of onset of agoraphobia is 20 years of age.5
Specific Phobia
Specific phobia involves marked and persistent fear and avoidance of a specific object or situation.
Approximately 19.2 million American adults age 18 and over, or about 8.7 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have some type of specific phobia.1, 2
Specific phobia typically begins in childhood; the median age of onset is seven years.5
Eating Disorders
The three main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.
In their lifetime, an estimated 0.6 percent of the adult population in the U.S. will suffer from anorexia, 1.0 percent from bulimia, and 2.8 percent from a binge eating disorder. 14
Women are much more likely than males to develop an eating disorder. They are three times as likely to experience anorexia (0.9 percent of women vs. 0.3 percent of men) and bulimia (1.5 percent of women vs. 0.5 percent of men) during their life. They are also 75 percent more likely to have a binge eating disorder (3.5 percent of women vs. 2.0 percent of men).14
The mortality rate among people with anorexia has been estimated at 0.56 percent per year, or approximately 5.6 percent per decade, which is about 12 times higher than the annual death rate due to all causes of death among females ages 15-24 in the general population.15
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
ADHD, one of the most common mental disorders in children and adolescents, also affects an estimated 4.1 percent of adults, ages 18-44, in a given year.1
ADHD usually becomes evident in preschool or early elementary years. The median age of onset of ADHD is seven years, although the disorder can persist into adolescence and occasionally into adulthood.5
Autism
Autism is part of a group of disorders called autism spectrum disorders (ASDs), also known as pervasive developmental disorders. ASDs range in severity, with autism being the most debilitating form while other disorders, such as Asperger syndrome, produce milder symptoms.
Estimating the prevalence of autism is difficult and controversial due to differences in the ways that cases are identified and defined, differences in study methods, and changes in diagnostic criteria. A recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported the prevalence of autism among 8 year-olds to be about 1 in 110.16
Autism and other ASDs develop in childhood and generally are diagnosed by age three.17
Autism is about four times more common in boys than girls. Girls with the disorder, however, tend to have more severe symptoms and greater cognitive impairment.16,17
Personality Disorders
Personality disorders represent "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it."4 These patterns tend to be fixed and consistent across situations and are typically perceived to be appropriate by the individual even though they may markedly affect their day-to-day life in negative ways. Among American adults ages 18 and over, an estimated 9.1% have a diagnosable personality disorder.18 Several more common personality disorders include:
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by an individual's disregard for social rules and cultural norms, impulsive behavior, and indifference to the rights and feelings of others.
Approximately 1.0 percent of people aged 18 or over have antisocial personality disorder.18
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social inhibition, sensitivity to negative evaluation, and feelings of inadequacy. Individuals with avoidant personality disorder frequently avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, or disliked.
An estimated 5.2 percent of people age 18 or older have an avoidant personality disorder.18
Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is defined by the DSM-IV as "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.”
Approximately 1.6 percent of Americans age 18 or older have BPD.18
For More Information
Mental Health Information and Organizations from NLM's MedlinePlus (en Español).
References
1. Kessler RC, Chiu WT, Demler O, Walters EE. Prevalence, severity, and comorbidity of twelve-month DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005 Jun;62(6):617-27.
2. U.S. Census Bureau Population Estimates by Demographic Characteristics. Table 2: Annual Estimates of the Population by Selected Age Groups and Sex for the United States: April 1, 2000 to July 1, 2004 (NC-EST2004-02) Source: Population Division, U.S. Census Bureau Release Date: June 9, 2005. http://www.census.gov/popest/national/asrh/
3. The World Health Organization. The global burden of disease: 2004 update, Table A2: Burden of disease in DALYs by cause, sex and income group in WHO regions, estimates for 2004. Geneva, Switzerland: WHO, 2008. http://www.who.int/healthinfo/global_burden_disease/GBD_report_2004update_AnnexA.pdf.
4. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, 1994.
5. Kessler RC, Berglund PA, Demler O, Jin R, Walters EE. Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry. 2005 Jun;62(6):593-602.
6. Kessler RC, Berglund P, Demler O, Jin R, Koretz D, Merikangas KR, Rush AJ, Walters EE, Wang PS. The epidemiology of major depressive disorder: results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Journal of the American Medical Association, 2003; Jun 18;289(23):3095-105.
7. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) : www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars accessed April 2010.
8. Conwell Y, Brent D. Suicide and aging I: patterns of psychiatric diagnosis. International Psychogeriatrics, 1995; 7(2): 149-64.
9. Kochanek KD, Murphy SL, Anderson RN, Scott C. Deaths: final data for 2002. National Vital Statistics Reports. 2004 Oct 12;53 (5):1-115.
10. Weissman MM, Bland RC, Canino GJ, et al. Prevalence of suicide ideation and suicide attempts in nine countries. Psychological Medicine, 1999; 29(1): 9-17.
11. Regier DA, Narrow WE, Rae DS, Manderscheid RW, Locke BZ, Goodwin FK. The de facto mental and addictive disorders service system. Epidemiologic Catchment Area prospective 1-year prevalence rates of disorders and services. Archives of General Psychiatry. 1993 Feb;50(2):85-94.
12. Robins LN, Regier DA, eds. Psychiatric disorders in America: the Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study. New York: The Free Press, 1991.
13. Dohrenwend BP, Turner JB, Turse NA, Adams BG, Koen KC, Marshall R. The psychological risk of Vietnam for U.S. veterans: A revist with new data and methods. Science. 2006; 313(5789):979-982.
14. Hudson JI, Hiripi E, Pope HG, Kessler RC. The prevalence and correlates of eating disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Biol Psychiatry. 2007; 61:348-58.
15. Sullivan PF. Mortality in anorexia nervosa. American Journal of Psychiatry. 1995 Jul;152(7):1073-4.
16. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorders―Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, United States, 2006. MMWR Surveillance Summaries 2009;58(SS-10)
17. Fombonne E. Epidemiology of autism and related conditions. In: Volkmar FR, ed. Autism and pervasive developmental disorders. Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press, 1998; 32-63.
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http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index.shtml
57.7 million people with a alarming trend that is increasing and that is in only 2004! That is alot of fucked up people! A book I touched upon is, Suggestions of Abuse. Which was interesting and informative. In one chapter, the author states. That 98 precent of people suffer from 3 or 4 traumas within there life span. I can believe that. This book talks about various topics. That I do and do not agree to. But here is what the library journal said.
Finally, a work of popular psychology whose purpose is not to convince readers that they are victims but to illuminate one of the most fascinating and distressing occurrences in recent years-the increase in sexual abuse accusations resulting from the recollection of repressed memories. While clinical psychologist Yapko asserts that memories of horrible events can indeed be repressed, so little is understood about both memory and the mind's receptivity to suggestion that it can be virtually impossible to distinguish genuine memories from false ones. In some instances, therapists are able to convince susceptible clients that they are victims of sexual abuse that may have never occurred. This book is recommended for all public libraries, and while it is not scholarly in the strictest sense, it would not be an inappropriate purchase for academic libraries.
Jennifer Amador, Central State Hosp. Medical Lib., Petersburg, Va.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
http://www.amazon.com/Suggestions-Abuse-Michael-Yapko-PhD/dp/0671874314
Now, I did point out that I did do drugs, in my lifetime. Well, here is something that should make others think before adding there own opinon though. I had a women comment to me, "This is what you get for doing drugs!" Okay well, if that is the case let me defend myself with this by this article.
Prescription Drugs Kill 300 Percent More Americans Than Illegal Drugs
Monday 10 November 2008
by: David Gutierrez | Natural News
A report by the Florida Medical Examiners Commission has concluded that prescription drugs have outstripped illegal drugs as a cause of death.
An analysis of 168,900 autopsies conducted in Florida in 2007 found that three times as many people were killed by legal drugs as by cocaine, heroin and all methamphetamines put together. According to state law enforcement officials, this is a sign of a burgeoning prescription drug abuse problem.
"The abuse has reached epidemic proportions," said Lisa McElhaney, a sergeant in the pharmaceutical drug diversion unit of the Broward County Sheriff's Office. "It's just explosive."
In 2007, cocaine was responsible for 843 deaths, heroin for 121, methamphetamines for 25 and marijuana for zero, for a total of 989 deaths. In contrast, 2,328 people were killed by opioid painkillers, including Vicodin and Oxycontin, and 743 were killed by drugs containing benzodiazepine, including the depressants Valium and Xanax.
Alcohol directly caused 466 deaths, but was found in the bodies of 4,179 cadavers in all.
While the number of dead bodies containing heroin jumped 14 percent from the prior year, to a total of 110, the number of deaths influenced by the painkiller oxycodone increased by 36 percent, to a total of 1,253.
Across the country, prescription drugs have become an increasingly popular alternative to the more difficult to acquire illegal drugs. Even as illegal drug use among teenagers have fallen, prescription drug abuse has increased. For example, while 4 percent of U.S. 12th graders were using Oxycontin in 2002, by 2005 that number had increased to 5.5 percent.
It's not hard for teens to come by prescription drugs, according to Sgt. Tracy Busby, supervisor of the Calaveras County, Calif., Sheriff's Office narcotics unit.
"You go to every medicine cabinet in the county, and I bet you're going to find some sort of prescription medicine in 95 percent of them," he said.
Adults can acquire prescriptions by faking injuries, or by visiting multiple doctors and pharmacies for the same health complaint. Some people get more drugs than they expect to need, then sell the extras.
"You have health care providers involved, you have doctor shoppers, and then there are crimes like robbing drug shipments," said Jeff Beasley of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. "There is a multitude of ways to get these drugs, and that's what makes things complicated."
And while some people may believe that the medicines' legality makes them less dangerous than illegal drugs, Tuolumne County, Calif., Sheriff's Office Deputy Dan Crow warns that this is not the case. Because everybody reacts differently to foreign chemicals, there is no way of predicting the exact response anyone will have to a given dosage. That is why prescription drugs are supposed to be taken under a doctor's supervision.
"All this stuff is poison," Crow said. "Your body will fight all of this stuff." Tuolumne County Health Officer Todd Stolp agreed. A prescription drug taken recreationally is "much like a firearm in the hands of someone who's not trained to use them," he said.
While anyone taking a prescription medicine runs a risk of negative effects, the drugs are even more dangerous when abused. For example, many painkillers are designed to have a delayed effect that fades out over time. This can lead recreational users to take more drugs before the old ones are out of their system, placing them at risk of an overdose. Likewise, the common practice of grinding pills up causes a large dose of drugs to hit the body all at once, with potentially dangerous consequences.
"A medication that was meant to be distributed over 24 hours has immediate effect," Stolp said.
Even more dangerous is the trend of mixing drugs with alcohol, which, like most popularly abused drugs, is a depressant.
"In the case of alcohol and drugs, one plus one equals more than two," said Tuolumne County Sheriff's Office spokesperson Lt. Dan Bressler.
Florida pays careful attention to drug-related deaths, and as such has significantly better data on the problem than any other state. But a recent study conducted by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) suggests that the problem is indeed national. According to the DEA, the number of people abusing prescription drugs in the United States has jumped 80 percent in six years to seven million, or more than those abusing cocaine, Ecstasy, heroin, hallucinogens an inhalants put together.
Not surprisingly, there has been a corresponding increase in deaths. According to the Drug Abuse Warning Network, the number of emergency room visits related to painkillers has increased by 153 percent since 1995. And a 2007 report by the Justice Department National Intelligence Drug Center found that deaths related to the opioid methadone jumped from 786 in 1999 to 3,849 in 2004 - an increase of 390 percent.
Many experts attribute the trend to the increasing popularity among doctors of prescribing painkillers, combined with a leap in direct-to-consumer marketing by drug companies. For example, promotional spending on Oxycontin increased threefold between 1996 and 2001, to $30 million per year.
Sonora, Calif., pharmacist Eddie Howard reports that he's seen painkiller prescriptions jump dramatically in the last five years.
"I don't know that there is that much pain out there to demand such an increase," he said. The trend concerns Howard, and he tries to keep an eye out for patients who are coming in too frequently. But he admits that there is little he can do about the problem.
"When you have a lot of people waiting for prescriptions, it's hard to find time to play detective," he said.
Still, the situation makes Howard uncomfortable.
"It almost makes me a legalized drug dealer, and that's not a good position to be in," he said.
http://www.truth-out.org/111208HA
So for anyone that says I am jumping to conclusions. That I not thinking straight, or I am reading to much into it. Or who points out that this was about drugs. This is what I get. Wise up baby. Wise the fuck up. Get some insight. No one is any better. Spare me with the excuses. The problems were there with or without. Making this quote, very insightful. It's not the crazy ones you have out for, it the ones who consider themselves normal.
I am going jump off this subject because I think I said my peace. I noticed something that was very odd. Which I wonder why my motives are so different then most. Why don't I want to meet my biological father or my bother if there is any? Twin or half. The only thing I want to know. Who he is, his medical conditions or genetics. ( If anything was pasted down.) Also, if there is any truth to being a twin or half brother. That's all I want to know. I believe I stated this before. Not planning to add them to my x-mas card list. I don't want to be reunited nor that I blame him for what he did to my mother. I have no resentment towards him.
I feel that I have so many issues, that it is time for just myself. I don't want my issues onto bleed them. When they have such a life themselves to live. I find it wrong. Now, if there was a chance to rekinddle, I would keep an open mind. Maybe in the future but I do not see that happen anytime soon. That's the reason why I find this very strange. It's closure that I want, not saying that I am going to get it. To find out that your a resentment baby that came from a dishearting and emotional crazied mother. Is one thing. It's another thing though, that everyone was crazied in there own way. These inablers brought out something in me. In which, I do not want to tap into again.
I think this pretty much sums it up though, "Man is only normal in his natural environment, it is society that brings out his beast!" I believe it was Friedrich Nietzsche said something like this. Lastly, no one cares about your issues because they are to busy with there own. So why not do something about it.
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